


Some Assembly Required I: Fragore

by lanalucy



Series: Some Assembly Required [1]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Car Accidents, Career Change, Challenge Response, Developing Relationship, Disability, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, F/M, Fake Marriage, Father-Daughter Relationship, Flirting, Hospitalization, Kissing, Making Out, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage Proposal, Matchmaking, Medical Conditions, Medical Jargon, Memory Loss, Military Jargon, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Past Zak Adama/Kara Thrace, Relationship Negotiation, Therapy, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-16 10:26:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4621827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanalucy/pseuds/lanalucy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.<br/>Sometimes your mind needs more time to accept what your heart already knows.<br/>In this case, it was both.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are a frakton of people who had their eyes on this for me: newnumbertwo, laura_mayfair, singerdiva01_sk, red_b_rackham (for Het BigBang), aflaminghalo (for GYWO BigBang), kdbleu, altitude_and_wine, nyyki, and a couple of people who wish to remain anonymous.
> 
> I cannot thank any of you ladies enough, especially red_b_rackham, who slogged tirelessly through four different fics for me, and asked very good questions, which forced me to answer them, and altitude_and_wine, who did a terrific last-minute run-through for me.
> 
> If you like, you can read my journal entry about betawork in general, and the betawork I got on this story in particular here: http://lanalucy.livejournal.com/265963.html
> 
> All of you made this a better fic than it was when it started.
> 
> Everything old is new again. This is my loving Battlestar Galactica Kara and Lee homage to the classic story (Overboard, While You Were Sleeping, Stargate SG-1 _Past and Present_ , for example) of two people falling in love and being the last to know.
> 
> Second part beginning now at: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5112110

“Captain? Can you hear me?” The voice was feminine, authoritative.

Kara tried to say yes, but something more like “Mrgh,” came out.

“Can you open your eyes for me?”

She blinked, blinked again, then scrunched her eyes tight. Whatever the frak that light was, it was way too much.

“It’s fine. We can try again in a few minutes. In the meantime, can you move your thumbs? Either one is fine.”

Kara flexed her hands and _Godsdamn that hurt! What the frak?_ It took her a minute, but she finally had a thumb moving, she hoped.

“Okay, good. Now I’m going to ask you some questions. I’ll put my hand down here, and if the answer’s yes, press your thumb into my hand. Okay?”

Kara waited to feel skin, then moved her thumb.

“Great. Anytime you’re ready to talk, just let me know.”

Kara pushed her thumb into the hand again.

“First, I need to make sure you’re not allergic to anything, have any conditions I need to know about. Theoretically, it would be in your medical record, but mistakes happen, and I’d rather hear it from you. So, first thing, are you allergic to any medications?”

Kara stayed still.

“Okay, so that’s a no. Correct?”

Kara pushed her thumb.

“Great. Now, how about broken bones or surgeries or -”

Before the voice was even done, Kara was squeezing her thumb.

“Surgeries?”

Squeeze yes.

“Any of them recent?” When Kara didn’t respond, the voice continued, “Broken bones?”

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

“More than one?”

Squeeze.

“Can you tell me where?”

Kara tried to raise her hands, both of them, but wasn’t sure she had actually moved.

“Both hands?”

Squeeze.

“Good. Confirms what we saw in the preliminary films. Were there other surgeries besides your knee?” Kara didn’t move. “No? Great. Now, your record shows a next of kin Bill Adama. Is there anyone else we need to notify?”

Squeeze.

“Do you think you can talk yet?”

She opened her mouth, licked her scaly lips, and swallowed.

“Get her some ice chips.”

A moment later, there was the brief touch of a spoon on her lip, and she opened her mouth. The ice felt so godsdamned good, but it made her realize she was horribly thirsty. “Water,” she croaked out.

“We can’t give you water quite yet, Captain, but we’ve got you on an IV. About that notification?”

She swallowed again, tried to form the name, but nothing came out. She felt the spoon on her lip again, and took some more ice chips, then tried again. “Lee.”

“Lee? Thrace? That’s the name on your dogtags.”

She shook her head and winced at the pain. She forced herself to ignore the physical. She’d been good at that once. Had to be. She didn’t remember why, though. “Lee Adama.”

“Is he your husband?”

Squeeze.

“Is he Fleet, or do you have a way for us to contact him?”

“Fleet.”

The voice spoke faster. “Make sure the registrar has called this Bill Adama, and if he doesn’t have a contact number for Lee Adama, get OPM to contact him. Tell them it’s urgent. They'll need to contact her CO, too.” 

A hand brushed Kara's hair away from her face. “Can you open your eyes yet, Captain?”

Kara tried again, she did, but the light was still way too bright, and it spiked the pain in her head, and everything dissolved into a black silence.

~*~*~*~*~

Bill approached the man at the counter. “I’m looking for Kara Thrace. I’m Bill Adama.”

The man typed something into his pad and looked up at Bill. “You have ID?”

Bill whipped out his wallet to show his ID. “My son’s on his way, unless he’s here already?”

The guy looked at the record in front of him, and shook his head. “Nope. Nobody else has checked in for Thrace yet. Her husband Lee, right?”

“Um, yes. Lee.”

“It looks like Dr. Stark is still with Captain Thrace, but she’ll be out shortly, and she’ll answer whatever questions she can, let you know if you can see the Captain or not.”

Bill nodded sharply. He walked to the far side of the waiting room and pulled out his phone. “Saul.”

“What happened, Bill?”

“Don’t know yet. They said the doctor’s still with her, would be out as soon as possible.”

“You want me up there?”

Bill shook his head. “Not yet. Let me find out how serious this is first. No sense all of us coming up here if she’s gonna be able to walk out. But Saul…”

“What?”

He looked around the room and lowered his voice. “They think Lee’s her husband!”

“Well, frak Bill, let ‘em think it. He’ll be able to get in to see her that way. What they don’t know won’t hurt ‘em.”

Bill rubbed his forehead. “Yeah. You’re right, I guess.”

“She’ll be fine, Bill. She’s a tough nut.”

“I think nut is the operative word there,” Bill said.

Neither of them laughed. 

“She’s our nut, though, Bill. Call me when you know more, or if you want me down there.”

Bill paced for a few minutes before he heard the doors leading into the ER swish and a young woman in a pale peach coat called, “Thrace?”

Bill held up his hand and strode toward her, holding out his hand to shake. “Adama.”

“Dr. Stark. Mr. Adama -”

“Commander. Retired.”

“Sorry, sir. Commander. I can’t tell you much yet. She regained consciousness for a few minutes and was able to speak and communicate. That’s how we knew to contact your son. Is he here yet?”

Bill looked around and saw Lee jogging across the parking lot toward the doors. “There he is now. One moment please.”

“I’ll wait, sir.”

Bill met Lee at the door, and held his shoulder to slow him down. “Lee, they think you’re her husband. Saul had it right. Just play along, so you’ll be able to see her.”

Lee looked shell-shocked, and Bill wondered again why these people had the impression Kara and Lee were married, then pushed it aside as irrelevant. Bill introduced them.

“Right. As I was saying, she regained consciousness for a few minutes. She said she had broken bones in both hands? We saw them on the films, and they looked old. Do you know what caused them?”

“Does it matter right now?” Lee snapped.

“Of course not, Major Adama. My apologies. Just professional curiosity. They’re rather….unique.” The doctor continued with the update, and concluded with, “As soon as we’ve moved her to a room, we’ll let you in to see her. She’s not conscious, but I’m sure it’ll help her to hear your voices.”

Bill spoke up, “So she’ll be staying?”

“Oh!” The doctor looked surprised for a moment. “Yes. She’s got no visible injuries, so we’re still trying to determine the reason for her loss of consciousness. We’re running tests, and we’ll need to be sure there isn’t any hidden trauma or unexpected repercussions. She has no head injuries we can find.”

Bill thought there was already one unexpected repercussion, but he wasn’t going to mention it to the doctor just yet, especially since he didn’t know why they believed it. “Thank you, doctor. We appreciate the update.”

“Commander. Major.” The doctor nodded and twirled around and went back through the swinging doors.

Lee turned to him as soon as she was gone. “Why do they think we’re married, Dad?”

“I don’t know, Lee. It doesn’t matter right now, does it?”

Lee shook his head, then paced to the windows. Bill approached from the side and they both stood there watching the rain. “Son, I’m going to call Saul and update him. Do you need me to bring you a coffee or anything?”

“I’m good, Dad.” Lee tried to smile, but it fell off his face too quickly for Bill’s comfort.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When Lee had gotten the call, before he’d even thought to say ‘There must be some mistake. I’m not married,’ before they’d mentioned her name, he’d known they were talking about Kara. _Hospital. Car accident. Next of kin._ His pulse raced. His heart pounded. Kara couldn’t die before he’d ever even gotten up the nerve to ask her out.

He’d shut down and locked up everything he was working on, grabbed his coat, and on the way out the door had said, “Family emergency! I’ll call from the hospital!”

The trip to the hospital was treacherous, mostly because he couldn’t keep his mind on the drive. He wished everyone would just get the frak off the road, out of his way. Gods.

He finally got there and a woman in pink scrubs was calling his name, telling him to come talk to Kara.

He went.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The light was fading intermittently. That and a metallic rattle woke Kara up again. _Gods. What’s with the frakkin’ sun turned up to supernova?_

“Captain? You awake again?”

“Mmm.”

“Okay. We’re moving you to a room. Your husband and your father-in-law are here, just waiting until we’ve got you situated.

“Lee?”

“Yes. Your husband is here.”

“Mmm.” She squinched her eyes - she was on a gurney moving down a hospital corridor. “Lee?”

“Yes, Captain. Lee is here. Just give us a few minutes to get everything hooked back up.” They went through another double door and the voice continued. “Go find her husband. If she’s agitated, she’ll settle better if he’s in the room. Just her husband.”

“On it.”

They swung into a room, which to Kara’s relief, was much dimmer. Kara blinked repeatedly, trying to get her bearings. A young dark-skinned woman busied herself making sure everything was working, and when the other woman returned, they moved Kara from the gurney to the bed and got her hooked up. Machines started beeping, the noise a cacophony in Kara’s sensitive ears.

Lee hurried to her bedside and squeezed her hand. “Hey.”

Kara smiled. She thought she did, anyway. “Hey.”

“How’re you feeling?”

“Is that a trick question?" she whispered. "I feel like shit. What happened?”

“You don’t know?”

She shook her head, wincing at the stab of pain. “I was driving. I think. Then I was here. Last thing I really remember is lunch with Dad?”

Something flickered across Lee’s face, but it was too fast for her to catch. She’d have to weasel it out of him later. Kara felt coldness move up her arm, and Lee’s face started to waver. “Love you, Lee.”

“Major? We’ve given her someth....”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lee leaned on the wall outside Kara's room for a few minutes to get himself together. She'd never even hinted at those kinds of feelings in the years since Zak had died, and between that and his reaction to the phone call, he was thoroughly discombobulated. 

Back out in the waiting room, Lee found his father. 

"Saul’s got a connection on the police force. He’s going to try to find out what happened. Did Kara tell you?”

Lee shook his head. “The last thing she remembers is lunch with you.”

“That was three days ago!”

“I know, Dad.”

“Hopefully Saul can find out something, then. He’ll be down after a while, probably bring some food. You know he can’t resist those care packages.”

“Those care packages were about the only thing I looked forward to for a while after Zak died, Dad.” Lee smiled and rubbed his forehead. “There’ll probably be enough for everybody in the waiting room.”

Bill’s teeth flashed white. “Probably. Maybe enough for some staff, too.” Bill’s phone rang. 

His dad listened intently for a few minutes, glancing at Lee every now and then, muttering, “Uh-huh,” periodically. “Okay, Saul. Thanks.” He turned to Lee. “She was t-boned by someone who ran a red light, driving way too fast for city traffic. They told Saul by the looks of the cars, Kara’s lucky to be alive.”

Lee’s stomach cramped at the thought of Kara dead, but he held his voice even. “She doesn’t have any apparent injuries, Dad. The doctor said no broken bones, and no internal bleeding so far.” Lee paced away, his hand on the back of his head. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lee's CO approved his leave. The first couple of days, Kara was obviously in pain, though she downplayed it when she was awake. When she was asleep, though, she couldn't conceal it, and when he asked the nurses about it, they assured him it was to be expected. At the least, she had whiplash. Her body had been tossed around when the other car had hit her. Things had been stretched and popped out of place, and she’d be sore for a while.

She woke infrequently, for small but increasing amounts of time. Watching Kara sleep was boring, but watching Kara wake up, smiling at him or reaching her hand out, was his reward. He loved spending time alone with her - she was easygoing, affectionate, happy - and it played into his 'Kara and Lee together for years' fantasy. He loved hearing _I love you_ whenever Kara started falling asleep, though it was embarrassing when his Dad or Saul were around.

The first time Kara's recovery seemed to backslide was the day his Dad and Saul were both at the hospital with him, and they were telling the 'Kara nearly failed Zak' tale, Lee laughing right along with them, until he looked at Kara.

She was frowning, rubbing her head.

"You have another headache, Kara?"

She nodded, squinting her eyes. "Just came on. Hurts."

His dad and Saul were already into another one of Zak's high school peccadilloes. Lee opened his mouth to ask one of them to call a nurse, and Kara moaned, her heading turning back and forth on the pillow. She was taut and tense, her hand crushing his, her face white.

The sound got their attention, and his dad stood up. "Kara? What's wrong, honey?"

"Head. Hurts."

Bill snapped his fingers. "Saul. Get someone in here!"

Elke rushed in, taking in everything at a glance, and pushed a button on her personal comm. "Bring some IV Morpha." She turned to Lee and said, "We'll get her calmed down, but it's going to put her to sleep."

He had a hard time leaving; Kara's hand was still wrapped around his.

"Do you know what caused this, Major?" Elke asked.

He shook his head. "We were talking about something that happened with my brother in high school. It just came on suddenly."

Elke nodded, gentling her voice. "She'll probably be out overnight. Go get some rest. Come back fresh tomorrow."

Lee brushed a kiss on Kara's forehead, managed to extricate his hand from hers, and made his way home.

When he came back in the morning, Kara was back to her usual self.

The doctor assessed Kara’s pain level and told her she needed to walk. “At least twice sometime today, for at least the length of the corridor. And we’re going to cut back on the morpha. If we cut back too much, let us know, but the sooner we get you off that, the better it’ll be for you long-term. Aside from that, as we cut back, any little pains you might not have noticed will make themselves known.”

"Doc, I smell disgusting. Can I at least take a shower?"

"You don't have any stitches, or any reason to keep dry. If you're up to it, you can take a shower. Make sure to call a nurse."

"Lee can help me," she insisted.

_Crap_ He’d showered in the co-ed heads with Kara before, after official events on base or shared sim time, but never up close and personal.

Kara played at flirting with him while he stripped off her hospital gown, but she couldn't keep it up for long. Kara leaned against the tile, already exhausted by the effort of getting out of bed. He had to make himself stay on task as he soaped her up - cracks, crevices, expanses of smooth, silky skin over firm, sexy muscle. He’d never been so close to a naked Kara, certainly never when she’d been so trusting and open, and he so wanted this to be real.

He rubbed too hard someplace, and she sucked in her breath, someplace else an _Ow!_ or _Frak!_. By the time he was done, she was biting her lip, her eyes swimming, and he wondered if the shower had been too much too soon.

He dried her off, grabbed up a clean set of the shorts and tank Kara preferred to sleep in and took her to the chair by the window. He went through the ditty bag he’d hastily thrown together and found her comb. As he carefully pulled the tangles out of her hair, her quiets hmms of approval aroused him.

She opened her eyes and smiled up at him, her face upside down. She held up a hand and pulled him down, kissing him softly. “Feels really good. You ever decide to leave Fleet, I bet I can find you work as a hair comber.”

He bopped her nose and went back to her hair, pressing his erection into the back of the chair to will himself back under control.

He hadn’t found slippers in her apartment, so he’d brought a pair of his own, and Kara held onto his arm while she shuffled them and a robe on, and they walked slowly toward the corridor outside her room. They stood a moment, Kara looking both ways, until she said, “I think this way’s slightly longer. Let’s do that and back, then if I still feel okay, we can do the other direction and back.”

“You’re the boss, Kara.”

Unexpectedly, Kara’s voice dropped into a lower range. “Is that what you like, Lee? Me being the boss?”

His dick apparently liked the idea a lot. In a matter of seconds, he was half hard again. Gods. This was going to kill him.


	2. Chapter 2

“How are we this morning, Captain?”

“Gods,” Kara grumbled. “Will you can it with the Captain crap? Just call me Kara.”

“Feeling better, by the sound of it. Have you noticed anything since we cut back on the pain meds?”

Kara twisted her wrist. “Stiffness and twinge in my wrist. It’s not pain, exactly, but I don’t have full range of motion.”

Dr. Stark manipulated Kara’s wrist, watching her face for any signs of pain. “You’re a pilot?”

“Yeah. Pilot. Instructor.”

“Hmm. There’s no noticeable swelling. I’ll put in for a PT consult today. We’ve got a good department here.”

Kara met Dr. Stark's warm brown eyes. “Should I be worried, Doc?” She was right in the middle of a frakking term!

Dr. Stark shook her head, but Kara wasn’t convinced.

“You’ve been walking?”

“Yes. I’ve gotten up to twice around the entire square here, twice a day.”

“And no ambulatory issues?”

“You mean walking? Nah.” Kara waved her hand. “Piece of cake. I get dizzy sometimes.”

“Could be some kind of brain trauma we haven’t identified. Describe it to me.”

Kara tried to explain how she felt sometimes when she walked by herself. It didn’t happen every time, but often enough.

“Maybe I should get Neuro to see you again, too, just to be safe. None of your films showed any damage, and there wasn’t any swelling in your brain. You were remarkably lucky to have escaped so unscathed. Have you remembered any more about your old injuries?”

“Nope.” She didn’t remember, precisely. She just sort of felt…threatened when she thought of the bones in her fingers. She saw a piano and a door, but couldn’t make the images mean anything in her head.

“Any other gaps in your memory?”

Kara shook her head. “None I know of. I mean, I still don’t remember the accident, but that’s perfectly normal, right?”

Dr. Stark nodded her head. “In many cases, yes.” She tapped Kara’s chart against the foot of the bed. “All right, then. If you’re doing twice around twice a day, let’s make it three times three. I’ll have the tech schedule the consults and let you know when, okay?”

“Sure,” Kara said. 

Maybe she could get one of the walks out of the way before anybody got here this morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Close your eyes, Dad,” Kara said to Bill.

Lee looked at his father, then back at Kara. "Kara, wha-"

"You haven’t kissed me since I’ve been here, Lee." She pouted at him, her lower lip sticking out just a bit. “I brushed my teeth and everything.”

"Kara."

She didn't give him a chance to say anything else, just grabbed the front of his shirt. Lee's hand shot to the bar on the other side of the bed as she hauled him in for a hot, wet, dirty kiss that made him forget for a moment his father was in the room, and that Kara was in a hospital bed. 

Kara let him go with a satisfied smack of her lips and an uncharacteristic giggle. "That's better. I've been feeling neglected."

Lee didn't, couldn't, look at his father, knowing he’d see the raised eyebrow and the ‘what are you thinking, Lee’ expression. What the hell was going on with her? He didn’t remember her ever calling his father ‘Dad’ before.

His dad’s voice broke through the haze. “You seem to be feeling better, Kara.”

“I am. Doc says maybe I can go home in a couple of days. I am so ready to get the frak out of this bed, back into ours.” She squeezed Lee’s hand as she looked up at him.

Lee looked at his dad, then back at Kara, hoping she didn’t see the panic in his eyes. He hadn’t even considered she’d expect to go home to a place they shared. Frak! He thought again about just telling Kara the truth, but the ghost of pain in his hand dissuaded him. But hell, they’d have to do some double-quick maneuvering to get Kara’s stuff into his apartment and make it seem realistic. There was no way Kara wouldn’t ask questions if they sent her home to her bachelor loft.

He and his dad exchanged a long look, and Bill stood up. 

“That’s good, Kara," his dad said. "I’ll have Saul put together some easy stuff so you guys don’t have to do too much cooking when you first get home.”

Lee’s shoulders relaxed infinitesimally. Maybe his dad had an idea how to move Kara in, too. “That’d be great, Dad! The easier the better. I have a feeling this one is going to be demanding.” He looked down at Kara, who was beaming up at him like he really was Apollo and she was some infatuated maiden. This was so messed up.

His dad bounced forward on the balls of his feet, then went to kiss Kara’s forehead. “I’m going to go see what kind of snacks I can con Saul into. Lee, if you’d walk me out?”

“Sure, Dad.” He kissed Kara’s knuckles and put her hand in her lap. “I’ll be right back.”

Once the door had shut behind them, Lee asked, “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing, Dad? I mean, wouldn’t it be a lot easier to just tell Kara the truth?”

 

"Son, we’ve all three tried, and she not only doesn’t remember, she gets upset. You remember that first time. I thought she was having a seizure. She thinks, for whatever reason, you two are married, have been for a while, and I just don’t see the point in forcing her into the realization she’s lived alone since Zak died. Hell, every time we mention Zak, she gets tense and confused. I’m not sure she remembers him, to be honest.” 

He ran his hand through his hair. “Besides, she’d be going home to that apartment with the stairs, living alone with no one to keep an eye on her. Would you really be more comfortable with that?”

“No. I guess not.”

“Are you seeing someone else, Lee? Is that what this is about?”

“What? No, Dad! I haven’t dated in - a while. Not since Gianne. Haven’t really wanted to.” Saying it out loud made him wince. Had it really been that long since he’d been on a date? “Kara never liked her, and she was right. Wish I’d listened to her advice, and if that isn’t the craziest thing I’ve ever said. Kara Thrace gave me good relationship advice.”

“This Kara seems to be more squared away. The stuff she doesn’t remember, it’s all personal, Lee. Her training, her postings, her TDYs - I’ve casually brought them all up. She remembers her entire Fleet career, people she met, COs, timing, all there. Actually, all of her memory losses seem to be related to Zak.”

Lee didn’t really know how to wrap his head around the new Kara paradigm. “So this friend of yours? You think she’ll be willing to help?”

“She’s coming over for dinner tonight anyway. We’ll talk about it. If she says no, no harm done. But we've already talked to her about Kara and why we’ve been spending so much time at the hospital.”

Lee stopped. “You have to explain to her why you’re spending time at the hospital? Is this a - a girlfriend, Dad?”

Bill laughed, loudly enough he got a couple of dirty looks from people in the waiting room.

“What’s so funny?”

Bill sobered up. “Girlfriend is definitely not the right word for her, Lee. I’m not sure there is a word for her. You’ll meet her soon enough. We’ll have you guys over after Kara gets home, and you can meet her then. Make up your own mind.” He patted Lee on the shoulder. “I’m going to need your spare key. We’re going to have to move fast with this, Lee, but we’re also going to need a woman’s touch, I think. If me and Saul did everything, well - it wouldn't be very convincing.”

“Kara’s keys are on the kitchen table in the envelope.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and dug out the key he kept there for emergencies. “Sounds like you have someone in mind.”

“Friend of mine and Saul’s. I think we can trust her with this, and she’ll know exactly how to make your apartment look like Kara’s always lived there. Now, I’ll get out of here, Lee, get started on rounding up some guys to move Kara’s stuff, get Saul started on those meal plans. Give our girl a kiss from Dad.”

His dad winked at him, and Lee felt the flush rise from his toes all the way to his ears. He turned to make his way back to Kara’s room, slowly enough she would maybe not notice anything. Was he going to be living in a constant state of semi-erection until he got this under control?

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Are you and Dad married?”

Saul sat up out of his slump. “What? No!”

“Why not?” She did her best not to snicker, he was so obviously flustered. “Am I supposed to not notice you’re together like that? Doesn’t anyone else notice?”

Saul laughed. “If by anyone, you mean Lee, I don’t think anyone’s noticed, no.” He turned toward the window, looking out at the parking lot for a moment, then walked back toward her. He shook his finger in her face, a tiny grin around his eyes, and said, “You…you are not the girl you used to be, Kara Thrace. I think I like you better this way.” He muttered to himself for a moment or two, then, “You think we ought to? Don’t you think it would bother Lee?”

“Why the frak would it bother him? He may pretend you’re just some long-time roommate of his dad's, but you’ve been there for Bill for some pretty tough stuff.” She wrinkled her brow. “At least, I think you have.” 

“You two could just elope and not tell anyone. Who’d know?” She smirked up at him mischievously. “Besides me? I could give you random anniversary gifts and no one would know why.”

“You are a sneaky one, Kara. I definitely like you better this way.”

It was the second time he’d said it. “How am I different? I don’t feel any different.”

Saul laughed. “Trust me, you are. You’re less abrasive, laugh easier, less shadows in your eyes. And you’re a lot more open with your affection, especially with the kid.”

“I love Lee.”

“And we all know it now. You never used to say it much.”

Kara frowned. “It doesn’t seem like anything’s missing in my head, the doctor’s even asked me about it, but whatever it is I don’t remember…” Her voice trailed off.

Saul sat down, his hand fiddling with the bedcovers. “If you don’t remember, maybe you don’t need to, Thrace. Just let it be. Far as I’m concerned, the stuff you don’t remember isn’t all that important.”

“Probably hoping I don’t remember your triad tells anymore. Frakker.”

Saul giggled. It was the strangest sound coming from him, but it settled somewhere inside Kara and felt comfortable. Warm. She’d been lucky to get Dad and Saul when she married Lee.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lee opened the door for her, and Kara walked in. She looked around in amazement. “We live here, Lee?” Obviously she did - her keys were hanging right there on the hook.

He’d turned to lock the door behind them. “Well, yeah.”

She snickered. “You must do the housekeeping.”

He shrugged, head tilted in that way she adored. “I do.”

She dropped the small bag Lee had let her carry and hugged him enthusiastically. “I don’t remember. Show me everything!”

The kitchen was clearly Lee’s domain, because nothing was where she would have put it, except in the fridge, where her beer was on the door, right next to the strange orange spice Lee liked for his chicken, along with seven or eight packaged meals stacked on the top shelf. The kitchen table looked sturdy enough she wondered how often she and Lee made use of it for something other than eating. 

One of her sweatshirts was lying over the far arm of the couch, and her gaming stuff was right there in a little cubby on the other side. “What’s that?” She pointed to the painting above the couch.

“It’s yours, Kara. You don’t remember it?”

She looked at it carefully for twenty or thirty seconds. “It looks sort of familiar. Do you actually like it, or did you just hang it to humor me?”

Lee’s face brightened up. “It’s one of my favorites, Kara.”

She looked back at the painting. The longer she looked at it, the more familiar it seemed, but there was something about it…just out of reach in her mind, like it was behind a door she couldn’t quite see. She pushed the thought away and walked toward the open area leading to the bedroom, Lee trailing her slowly. A couple more paintings were on the walls, and she looked for the telltale squiggly at the bottom; she had painted them both. There was a framed photo of her and Lee. They were younger - Lee had only been a Lieutenant, and she wasn’t in uniform.

The bedroom was bigger than she’d imagined, and much more Lee than her, but when she ran her hands over the coverlet and under the pillow, there was her sleep shirt. Her bedside table was full of a crazy amalgam of her life - scraps of paper, a book light, batteries, a pocket knife, and though at first she didn’t see it, her toy bag. The closet was more his than hers, but then the dresser was more hers than his. She definitely remembered preferring easy clothes over anything requiring a hangar.

She laughed as she stood in front of the closet, and Lee asked, “What?”

“You take your uniforms to the cleaners. I do not. I bet it drives you up the wall to have my wrinkled uniforms consorting with your perfect ones in here.” She walked closer to hug him. “I don’t remember it, but I feel comfortable anyway. What are the other rooms out there?”

Lee tensed. Or she imagined he did. She wasn’t sure. “One’s my office. The other’s a guest room. Then of course the hall bath.”

She let go of his hand to explore the head in this bedroom. The bathroom felt lived in, with Lee’s neatly ordered drawer and her jumbled one, her razor and shampoo next to his on the ledge, their clothes untidily mixed together in the hamper. 

His office was clearly where he spent a great deal of time. This room, she decided, felt like him, smelled like him. She took another breath, deeper than the first. It wasn’t cluttered, but it wasn’t as obsessively neat as most of their apartment was. His grandfather’s law books were on a shelf right next to his easy chair, one of them sitting on the lampstand beside it. 

“That the one you brought to the hospital?”

He smiled. “Some of Grandpa Joe’s cases are cited in there. I like reading them - it reminds me of the summers I spent with him when I was a kid.”

Kara yawned, then laughed. “I guess I’m tired again. Wanna take a nap, Lee?” She leaned against him, her mouth tipped up for a kiss.

He pecked her lips then backed up a step. “You go ahead. Why don’t I figure out dinner?”

Kara poked him in the ribs. “Dinner can wait. How about you take a nap with your wife? The one who’s been in the hospital for a week. The one who can’t remember the last time we slept in the same bed. How about that?”

Lee sighed, looked toward the kitchen, and caved. “You get ready. I’ll just put away your stuff and make sure the door’s locked.”

“Better be right back, Lee Adama.”

When Lee came back, Kara was nearly gone, but she woke enough to flap the quilt open for him, and snuggled in close, falling asleep to the sound of his heart beating in her ear.


	3. Chapter 3

Kara had been home two weeks, and she and Lee had settled into a routine: she woke up when Lee got up, and she made coffee while he showered. They talked, sometimes about whatever was going on Fleet-wise, sometimes about something in the paper. She frakked around all day - she tried playing video games a bit, and her wrist was less supple than she was used to, plus it got achy way too fast. The overall soreness she’d left the hospital with was almost entirely gone, though, and she was itching to get back to reality.

Some days Lee came home for lunch, and sometimes she heated up one of the pre-made things Saul had brought over. Lee came home after work. She showered, with him hovering, and as much as she enjoyed the closeness - him helping her out of the shower, and drying her off, and combing out her hair - she wanted to smack him, because it made her feel like he thought she couldn’t do anything herself. 

Granted, she wasn’t going to cook, unless Lee wanted to go to the hospital with food poisoning, but she could do the rest of it. The only area she wanted more from him and didn’t get it was in bed. So far, he’d carefully kept their relationship sex-free. That bothered her more than the rest of it did, because Lee acted like she was fragile and breakable, and she’d never been either.

She was going back to the doctor today, though, with a phone call after to update her CO on her condition. Then tonight was dinner with Dad and Saul, and the woman Lee called their “friend.” She giggled inside every time he said it that way, because even though she’d never met the woman, based on the way Dad and Saul talked about her, she was pretty sure the woman wasn’t _just_ a friend. She’d been surprised at first, because she couldn’t figure out how a woman would fit into their relationship, but they both seemed so happy when they mentioned Kara coming over to meet her. She couldn’t wait to see if she was right, and of course she hoped to have her own good news from the doctor to share. 

Except for the wrist and the vertigo, and her memory, of course, Kara was close to a hundred percent - she could almost pretend like she hadn’t been in an accident. She’d even been running twice since she’d gotten home, though she’d decided running wasn’t in her future for a while. It made her head muzzy. She’d tried frakking around on the neighborhood pyramid court, but she tended to favor right-handed throws, and she’d missed the mark every single time. 

She hadn’t told Lee about leaving the apartment when he wasn’t there. She was pretty sure he’d throw a Lee Adama style hissy fit if he found out, and she was already tired of his helpless-Kara attitude. Plus, so far she’d been mostly okay by herself.

Her wrist still didn’t have full range of motion, but the PT, both in the hospital and after, had said there was nothing wrong with it, nothing they could see anyway. The dizziness, what the Neuro had called “vertigo,” was still a problem, too. At least once a day. If the doc couldn’t figure it out, she’d be grounded. What the frak good was a grounded Flight Instructor? Kara pushed open the doctor’s office door.

An hour later, she wasn’t happy. The doctor had made some speech about ligaments and tendons and stretching and extreme strain, and she was pretty sure it was all just bullshit for “I don’t know what the frak is going on with your godsdamned wrist.” And the vertigo. Vertigo could go away on its own, depending on the underlying cause, or it could be permanent. 

She had no way to tell which Kara’s was, because she didn’t understand why Kara had it. Kara’d had no visible head injuries, no visible injuries at all, as if she’d been surrounded by a blanket of fluffy clouds during the accident; her truck had been all but demolished, but she didn’t have a mark on her. 

Kara hadn’t even bothered to mention her memory to the doctor - she’d realized over the last two weeks she remembered nothing of her life with Lee. Work, friends, pyramid, those were all there, but nothing about Lee except that she was married to him.

All that left her with nothing to do; she was still on medical leave until the doctor cleared her, which obviously hadn’t happened today. She couldn’t remember where she kept her paints, and didn’t feel like painting anyway. 

She got out of the cab and let herself into the apartment, then looked around for something, anything, to relieve her boredom. Her eyes lit on the guest room. She hadn’t actually gone in it yet, because she’d gotten a weird vibe that first day, and had just ignored the room since then. 

It was pretty bare, with only basic furniture and almost no decoration. She looked in the closet; some of their winter gear was in there. The dresser was empty until she got to the bottom drawer. There were blankets in it, but they looked oddly lumpy, so she pulled one out to find photographs underneath, of Lee and a young man taller than him, of Dad with the two of them. 

In the picture with the three men, they were all in Colonial Fleet uniforms. The third man’s uniform brass was all sparkly and new, and Lee’s Captain’s brass looked pretty new, too. She looked at the photo intently, determined to make herself remember; there was something familiar about the tilt of his head, or the expression on his face. Something…she could almost hear Lee laughing.

Her phone rang, and she realized she’d left it in her bag on the end of the couch. She tucked the photos and the blanket back in, and went to snatch up the phone. Gods, her head hurt all of a sudden. “Hello?” she answered breathlessly.

“Kara?”

“Lee? Is this your office number?”

“Yeah, new one. I forgot to program it into your phone. I’m going to be late getting out of here, so Dad’s going to pick you up, and I’ll meet you there, okay?”

“Oh. Are you sure?” She stuck out her lower lip, as if Lee could see it.

“Sorry, Kara. Some paperwork didn’t get done properly while I was gone, and it’s due tomorrow. I didn’t find out until an hour ago. It won’t take me long, but I won’t have time to come by the apartment first. Can you bring me something, so I don’t have to wear my uniform all night?”

“Of course I will. What time should I be ready?”

“Not sure. Dad’ll call you to set it up.”

“Love you, Lee.”

There was a short pause, and Lee laughed softly. “You too, Kara.”

She hit end and sat on the couch. The doctor hadn’t specifically said anything about sex before she’d gotten out of the hospital, but Lee had been avoiding it. The only silver lining in today’s appointment had been the doctor’s answer when she’d made a point of asking if she could resume sexual activity. 

_”Unless you’re planning to jump out of an airplane while you’re doing it, I can’t see any reason why not.” She flipped through Kara’s chart and looked up, puzzled. “I didn’t say you couldn’t, did I?”_

She’d been hoping for enough time before going to Dad’s to indulge in a quickie with her husband. She got up and went to the bedroom to dig through her dresser, find something special to wear under her jeans. Maybe after would be better anyway. 

She found what she wanted and set it on the bed, set out clothes for Lee, then decided if she was stuck here all afternoon, she’d have a lazy bubble bath, get all soft and touchable. She took the phone into the bathroom, turned the radio to something instrumental, and ran the water.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara looked around the room, taking everything in. There was husky laughter and the little snicker she’d come to associate with Saul coming from the kitchen, then the sounds of kissing.

“Saul? We’re here!” Bill put his hands on Kara's shoulders and walked her toward the kitchen. Saul and a woman came out, the woman wiping her hands on her jeans. Bill said, “Laura, this is Kara Thrace, my daughter-in-law. Kara, Laura.”

Laura came forward offering her hand, and Kara took it in a sort of daze. When Laura stepped backed, Kara blurted, “Wow. You guys scored a total hottie.”

Saul gave her a sort of stink-eye, but Laura laughed, appearing delighted. She cleared her throat and said, “Oh, my. May I hug you for that, Kara?”

Kara let her, feeling warmth and something else she was hard-pressed to identify. She had a feeling she was going to love Laura. And maybe hate her a little, too, because no way Lee wouldn’t look at her twice. He was married, not dead. 

When Laura stepped back again, Kara smiled a little sideways and said, “I’d offer to help with dinner, but I’m really good at drinking beer, so I’ll just stay out of your way.”

Laura waved a hand vaguely. “Oh, most of it’s done. The boys can finish what’s left. Tell me how you’re doing since you came home.” Laura took her hand and dragged her to the couch, plopping them both down and pushing her hair back. “Are you doing okay? Lee had to go back to work, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. He can take more leave in a couple of weeks, but really?” Kara looked toward the kitchen and lowered her voice, “He was driving me crazy hovering. Carrying things for me, not letting me lift anything, always asking if I needed something. Like I was helpless.” She shook her head.

“I can understand that. I got pneumonia last year, and I thought Bill was going to wear a hole in my floor.” She looked over her shoulder. “Maybe it’s an Adama thing. Saul wasn’t like that at all.”

Kara didn’t feel like wasting time. Who knows how long they’d be alone? “So, if you all have been together that long, how come Lee and I haven’t met you?”

Laura’s face settled, and her hands stilled in her lap. “Well, for one thing, the boys were working up to telling Lee about being together - they hadn’t been hiding it, but Lee’d never caught on, apparently. And to add another person on top of that? Groups aren’t as common as they used to be, and Bill’s given me the impression Lee’s a little…” She waggled her hand side to side. 

Kara volunteered, “Stick up the ass?”

Laura laughed a little ladylike snicker. “That’s not exactly the phrase he used, but yes. And we were having fun. Getting to know each other.”

“If you want my opinion?” Kara waited for Laura to nod. “Unless you guys start frakking on the table in front of him, I don’t think Lee’s going to notice.”

“Oh, gods!” Laura squeezed Kara’s knee. “Lords, no.”

They both turned at the knock on the door, and Kara watched Laura answer it. She stood back so she could watch Lee’s face, and though the expression was fleeting enough no one else would have noticed it, Lee’s eyeballs hung out of his head for a moment. She almost laughed out loud at the image. Good thing she usually wasn’t the jealous type.

“You must be Lee. I’m Laura. Your dad and Saul are in the kitchen, and -”

Right at that moment, Bill bellowed, “Food’s ready! Is that Lee?” and he and Saul started putting dishes on the table.

Kara went around the couch to say hi to Lee. “Bag’s right there behind the couch.” She put her arms around his shoulders and lifted up for a kiss. Lee was distracted enough fall into it, and it wasn’t until she heard Laura clearing her throat behind her that she pulled back. “Hi, Lee.”

“Hi. You look rested.”

“Took a long, hot bath.” She swatted his ass and whispered, “Go change.” She turned around and gave Laura a conspiratorial wink then went to the table. “This looks good. I’m starving. What are the rest of you going to eat?”

There was a half-second of silence before everyone burst into laughter. 

Dinner was a noisy affair, with silverware clattering and conversations overlapping constantly. Kara looked around the table more than once, thinking about how happy everyone looked. This was what family was supposed to be. She put her hand on Lee’s thigh and when he looked at her, she smiled. 

Yeah. This was good.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Laura seems nice.”

Lee nodded. “Yeah. I like her.”

Kara teased, “Not too much, I hope. I’d hate to have to beat her up.”

“Of course n -”

“I was kidding, Lee. Besides, if you looked too long, I think it’d be Saul who beat you up, rather than me and Laura having it out over you.”

”She’s with Saul?”

Kara snickered. “Really, Lee?”

“What? She seems really nice. Way better than Ellen. That woman was scary.”

“Laura is nice. And she loves them both.”

Lee didn’t answer for a couple of minutes, focused on his driving. He turned onto their street. “Oh. I guess…yeah. Maybe you’re right.”

Kara kept quiet, giving Lee time to mull it over in his head. They got inside, and Kara put away the leftovers Saul had insisted on packaging up for them. She debated another beer, but decided against it. 

Lee was in the bedroom when she got there, stripping down for bed. She walked up behind him and hugged him, her fingertips grazing the hair down the middle of his belly. She loved the way it bristled under her touch, the way his skin smelled when she buried her nose in his back.

“Kara - it’s been a long day.”

“Come on, Lee. It’s been nearly a month. My vibrator’s not getting it anymore.”

“Your vib -” He groaned, then very softly said, “Frak.”

“I saw the doctor today.”

He turned around, suddenly interested. “ Right. How did it go? You going to be able to go back to work any time soon?”

She bit her lip. Not what she’d wanted him to focus on. “She won’t clear me for work yet. I go back in two weeks.” She rubbed her finger back and forth at the waist of his boxer briefs. His body was perfectly happy to play along. She moved her hand down to massage him, and he put his hand on her wrist.

“Stop, Kara.”

“Lee, I’m your wife. I want to frak. Why is that a problem?”

“Kara -” He shook his head once.

“I got the doctor’s permission, even, Lee. It’s not going to hurt me to have sex.” She grabbed him harder.

He gave in. It was the only way she could describe it. She remembered how it was when he was into it, and he wasn’t tonight. His kisses were perfunctory, and he didn’t touch her more than he had to. He didn’t say a word, just made sure she was ready and pushed in. 

Even knowing he didn’t want to be with her, it felt so frakkin’ good to be connected to him like this. She stayed quiet, afraid she would say something to make him stop, and when he shuddered in climax, she held him tight, not sure whether she was hoping he would notice, or that he wouldn’t. 

He rolled to the side, grabbing his underwear. He stood, saying, “I’m going to go read for a while,” as he pulled them on.

She listened for a long time to the silence of pages not turning in his office before she slept.


	4. Chapter 4

Lee sat in his office, his head in his hands, hating himself. He wanted to frak Kara, gods know he did, but not like this. He wanted her to know who she was, know who they were, know they loved each other. But because he hadn’t known how to say any of that, this first time had been awful, not something he’d want her to remember.

Gods, he hadn’t even tried to make it good for Kara, hadn’t bothered to make sure she climaxed, hadn’t even kissed her properly. What the frak was wrong with him?

Even worse, what if she thought that’s how it always was? He’d never get a second chance to make love to her the way he’d always wanted, show her how good it could be between them.

For hours, he glared at the fly of his briefs, blaming his dick for the whole sordid mess, his burning eyes holding back tears.

How the frak was he going to do this?

~*~*~*~*~*~

After that, Lee started coming home later, leaving early without waking her up, making sure he didn’t come to bed until he thought she was asleep. She missed him so much, she almost wished he’d go back to hovering all the time, and she wondered if maybe the reason he hadn’t wanted to frak her was because there was someone else. They’d been married a long time; it wasn’t impossible.

Laura reached out to Kara a week or so later, asking if she had time to meet her for lunch. “I like to sit by the little pond whenever I need to get out of the office. I’ve got sandwiches from Saul. Can you bring drinks?”

“Sure. What do you drink?”

“Water’s fine, Kara. Nothing alcoholic, obviously. I have to go back after lunch.”

They set up a time, and Kara finished her workout. She’d found a gym in the basement of the building on one of her walks. She’d been making a point to do something every day; she was adamant the doctor clear her next appointment to go back to work.

When Kara approached, Laura had her eyes closed, her face turned up to the sun. She looked peaceful, and Kara hated to interrupt, but she shuffled a rock with her foot and Laura opened her eyes.

“Come! Sit down.” She reached for the water Kara offered. “I’m so glad you had time.”

Kara smiled, sat next to Laura, and took a drink of water to avoid answering. Laura flipped out a cloth and unwrapped the sandwiches. They looked amazing, but Kara didn’t have much of an appetite. She forced herself to take a few bites anyway.

Laura set her sandwich down and reached for Kara’s hand. “What’s wrong? You look unhappy. Has the doctor given you bad news?”

Kara shook her head, her throat scratchy in that I’m-about-to-cry way she hated, and she looked at her lap. She surreptitiously pinched her wrist to ward off the stupid tears. Kara Thrace did not cry in public. And why the frak was she Kara Thrace anyway? Why didn’t her dog tags say Adama? 

“It’s nothing. I go back to the doctor next week, and I’m really hoping she clears me. I’m losing my mind staying home.”

“Are things okay with you and Lee?”

She didn’t even know this woman, but there was something about her made Kara feel safe. 

“I don’t think so,” she said through her tears. “I think he’s seeing someone else.”

“What?” Laura pulled her head back. “No. Things seemed fine when you were over, Kara. What’s happened?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s happened, and that’s what’s wrong.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He doesn’t touch me unless he has to. He tries to leave without waking me every morning. He comes home from work late nearly every night. We don’t eat together any more. When I tell him I love him, he always says, _You too, Kara._ He “falls asleep” in his office reading every night instead of coming to bed. That nothing.” 

She slumped, unexpectedly relieved to have told someone. “I even told him the doctor okayed sex. It sucked. After it was over, the next day, that's when everything changed."

“Oh.” Laura nodded. “That can be a difficult hurdle. Men can be…pigheaded when they’re feeling protective.”

“But I’m not breakable. He doesn’t have to be careful with me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know that. Maybe he needs to go to the doctor with you next week. Hear for himself you’re doing well, ready to get back to work.”

A flicker of hope sparked inside. “You think so? Maybe if he hears it from her, he’ll believe it?”

“Maybe. If not, perhaps Saul could have a little chat with him.”

Kara snorted. “Oh, gods. That would be so bad, and yet so funny.” The smile fell quickly. “But if I have to wait until next week for him to frak me again, I might kill him instead. I ought to be more worried about getting back in a bird, or getting back to teaching, but...I really miss him.”

“Are you not…can you not…” Laura stumbled.

“Take care of it myself? Of course I can! But it’s like putting a quarter in the kiddie viper at the grocery store compared to taking my viper out-atmo.”

“Mmm.” Laura turned her head, and Kara was fascinated by the color washing up her throat. “I’ve never been in a real viper, obviously, but I’ll agree, it doesn’t compare.”

“Especially not when there’s two of them,” Kara deadpanned. 

Laura choked on the sip of water she was taking. She recovered quickly, though. “No, it most definitely does not compare to two of them, live and in person.” She glanced at Kara, and they both broke up giggling until tears ran.

“Go, Laura.” Kara held a thumb up.

“Go, Laura, indeed.” Laura pursed her mouth, pointed at the cloth. “Now. Finish at least half of that or I’m telling Saul on you.”

“Well, frak.” Kara picked up the sandwich and took another bite. Somehow it tasted better now.

When Laura stood, brushing off the back of her skirt, Kara walked part of the way back to her office with her before veering off to catch a cab. She didn’t have a car anymore, and the doctor hadn’t okayed her to drive anyway. 

She contemplated the conversation on the way home, and decided she was putting too much effort into thinking about Lee. She needed to go out and do something, and Lee was not the only person she knew, even if he was the one she missed most. She dug around in her phone, made a few calls, and set up a meet for some pool later.

Just making that much effort, she felt a little better already. She showered again, left Lee a note on his easy chair, and made sure she was gone before he got home.

~*~*~*~*~*~

For several hours, Kara forgot about everything and just had a good time. Helo showed up, among others, and was pissed he hadn’t known she was in the hospital, but he got over it pretty quickly when she bet him she could still kick his ass at pool. 

When she lost, his slow grin hit her right in the chest. Friends were good. Friends who didn’t lord it over you when you were having a bad day were better. He listened to her bitch about her grip being off, and commiserated with her about being temporarily grounded. And Lords, Helo gave great hug.

After they left, he drove past and caught her waiting for a cab. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed a ride?” When she shrugged, he said, “Get your ass in the car, Kara.” 

She buckled in and relaxed into the seat. He might be a Raptor ECO, but he was pretty smooth behind the wheel of a car - not that she'd ever tell him that - and she closed her eyes. 

“Hey, Kara?”

“Mmm?”

“You still live in the same place?”

“The apartments on the corner of Graystoke and Columbia?”

“Nope. You’ve moved since the last time I dropped you off. When was that? Gods, I think it’s been over a year.” He efficiently made his way through the city, and pulled up to the intersection and waited. “Hey, Kara.” He elbowed her gently. “What building?”

“Oh. Sorry.” She shot him a smirk. “I’m still recovering from your driving.”

“Shut up,” he teased back. “Building?”

“Second one past the lamp post.” He braked to a stop and she leaned over to nuzzle his bicep. “Thanks, Helo. I needed that.”

“Any time, Kara. I will kick your ass at pool any time you like.”

She cackled as she got out of the car, and drummed her fingers on the roof before turning to go inside. She turned to close the building door and waggled her fingers at Helo before he drove away. She hummed to herself as she lazily climbed the stairs to the second floor, realizing not only had she had a great time, but she hadn’t had that frakkin’ vertigo even once tonight. She was smiling as she opened the door to the apartment.

“Where’ve you been?” Lee’s voice came out of the dark.

“Shit, Lee. Turn on a frakkin’ light, for gods’ sakes!” She flipped the switch for the lamp.

“Where did you go, Kara?”

“Out, Lee. I left you a note.”

“It said, _Going out. See ya later._ ”

“Yeah?”

“For frak’s sake, Kara, you’ve been gone hours! You could have been anywhere! You could have gotten hurt and I would’ve had no way of knowing!”

“Lee! I just went out to play some godsdamn pool. What is the frakkin’ problem with that?”

He ignored the question. “How’d you get home?”

“Helo.”

“Great,” he muttered. “Didya frak him?”

“Why? Just because you’ve got a side piece, I should, too? I didn’t know that was a rule, Lee. I thought we were married!”

“We - what? I have a - what?!” He shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing, Lee. I’m not talking about anything. Isn’t that what we’re doing? Ignoring it? I have to go shower now. Somebody spilled a soda on me. Then I’m going to bed. I had a really good time tonight, but it wore me out. I think I’ll sleep in tomorrow, so you don’t have to try so hard not to wake me up.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday.”

She was already walking away. She stripped down, took a quick shower and slid into bed. Nearly an hour later, she heard Lee’s footsteps on the tile, then the bed moved as he sat down.

“Kara?” His fingers were soft on her bare shoulder. She didn’t move. He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I don’t…” His fingers trailed down her back, then she heard him leave the room. She was still pretending to be asleep hours later when he finally came to bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Lee ran. It wasn’t his favorite means of keeping in shape, but it let him think. He could leave enough consciousness working to avoid people and traffic, and use the rest work through problems. The more he thought about last night and Kara, the harder he ran, until his chest was heaving and he had to walk to cool down. 

He’d blown up at Kara last night and he didn’t even know why. Well, he did know why and he didn’t want to admit it to himself; he didn’t want to be that kind of man. He didn’t want to be an asshole. 

He wanted to have the relationship with her she thought they had, wanted so badly to believe Kara really loved him, hoped she wouldn’t wake up one day and tell him she’d remembered everything and they were over, and at the same time was afraid of what she thought once he’d stopped touching her. She’d made it clear last night she’d noticed his behavior.

He pulled out a sheet of mental legal paper and began analyzing.

_Fact: Kara is a grown woman, used to taking care of herself. She doesn’t need me._

_Fact: She does not belong to me, even if she thinks she’s married to me, even if she believes she loves me. Gods, I wish she really did!_

_Fact: She’s entitled to a social life, with and without me._

_Fact: I’ve been using work as an excuse to stay away from the apartment and Kara because being around Kara, with her new openly affectionate personality, makes me want her more, and what if she remembers and realizes she doesn’t really love me?_

_Fact: Kara has not yet been cleared for work. If she isn’t sneaking in workouts or something, she’s probably bored to tears stuck in the apartment all day by herself._

_Fact: Karl Agathon has been her friend longer than I have, so regardless of what their relationship might have been at one time, my suspicions are without merit._

_Fact: Kara thinks I’m_ Oh, frak this!

He mentally balled up the sheet of paper and tossed it an imaginary trashcan. Kara wasn’t a legal brief or an assignment for War College. He was a Major in the Colonial Fleet and he needed to man up. What that meant exactly, he had no idea. He increased pace to a steady jog, firmly keeping his mind blank for the rest of his run.

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Remembering her conversation with Laura, Kara left a note by the coffee pot about her doctor appointment, asking Lee to go with her. After the weekend, she didn’t want him there, but that was her stubbornness talking. Maybe she’d been pushing Lee away by not including him in her recovery. Maybe he believed she didn’t need him, or want him, though how he could have come to that conclusion was beyond her, because she’d tried everything short of climbing on while he was asleep and riding him until he popped.

In their new ‘not talking to each other’ reality, Lee left Kara a note in the same spot, letting her know he’d be home an hour beforehand to drive her to the doctor.

Lee walked in. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” She stepped closer to kiss him, and he turned his head, so her lips landed on his cheek. She bunched her hand into a fist on her jeans leg and walked out the door, not willing to let him know how much withholding his affection hurt her.

In the doctor’s exam room, Lee was close-mouthed, listening to the doctor’s questions and Kara’s answers, offering no comments, then stood in the hall while she got dressed again.

Back in her office, Dr. Stark shook her head, “I can clear you to return to work, Kara, but I can’t clear you for driving or flying. Not with this vertigo. I know you want back in your plane. I know it’s an integral part of your job, so I appreciate you being honest about it. You could lie to me, and the only way I’d know is when I heard about your fatal plane crash on the news.”

Lee sucked in a breath, and Kara caught his fingers digging into his knee. She would rather he held _her_ hand even if it hurt. 

She took a deep breath, nodding. “I can’t say I’m thrilled, but I’m not surprised either. For how long?”

“Unless we can determine a cause, it’s likely to be permanent, Kara, but let’s extend to your next appointment. We’ll schedule another consult with Neuro in two weeks - I’m puzzled about the headaches, too - then you come see me, and we’ll go over the results together. Any other changes? Memory recall?”

Kara shook her head. “Do I have any other restrictions?”

“Like what?”

“Physical activity. Running. Pyramid. Sparring. Sex.”

Dr. Stark’s eyes cut to Lee briefly, then back to her. “As I’ve told you already, you can fully participate in sexual activity, provided there aren’t planes involved. And I’m not talking about the Mile High Club, either.”

Kara snorted.

“Running, yes. Pyramid, yes, but I’d prefer you wear head gear, just in case. Sparring, yes, if you keep blows chest-level or below. Boxing only if you agree ahead of time to stick to bodywork. No blows to the head or knockouts.” Dr. Stark flipped a couple of pages. “How’s your wrist coming along?”

“Better. Not a hundred percent range of motion. Close to eighty maybe.” Kara looked down at her lap, then looked up and said, “Even without the vertigo, this will affect my flying. I should still be able to fly sims, but…” She shrugged. “It’s still not pain. Just won’t move past a certain point. I’ve been doing the prescribed exercises. No joy.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Kara.”

“Makes two of us.” She gripped her knees. “If that’s it this time, I’m ready to go. I’ll need a clearance letter to return to work.”

“Of course. I have it here. Just have to sign and get a copy made for your file.”

“Good.” Kara stood.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you better news, Kara.”

Kara nodded. She needed to get out of here. Just had to keep her cool until she got outside. She went through the motions with the doctor’s admin, setting up the date for her next follow-up appointment and tucking her back-to-work letter into her back pocket. When she got to the sidewalk, she stood for a moment.

“Car’s this way, Kara.”

She waved her hand, slapping it back against her thigh. “It’s fine, Lee. I’m going to walk a bit.”

“Kara! It’s half an hour’s drive home.”

She turned to look at him, hurt and anger and fear boiling just under the surface. “I’ve walked farther, Lee. It won’t kill me.”

“Kara -” She stood there, stone-faced, and after a minute, Lee said, “Fine. I’ll see you at home later.”

She turned away and started walking. The pond where she’d met Laura for lunch wasn’t far. If she didn’t want to walk after that, she could catch a cab. She couldn’t say this outcome had never crossed her mind. She’d spent a good part of the last six weeks contemplating options, checking in with her CO and the disability people. She would prefer to be able to fly, but chances were smaller every day she’d be able to fully resume her teaching career.

_So, what are my options? Teach Basic Flight. That only involves sims. Final qualifying flights can be administered by senior instructors. Probably fairer that way. No bias for or against. The new course for Raptor and Viper pilots, Basic Maintenance. I could do that. I’ve already been incorporating some of what I know into test flights, having the students do their own pre- and post-flight checks._

_Combat Maneuvers. No. I could teach the basics in sims, but maneuvering an actual plane is subtly different. The same person needs to be working with the students for both sections. Put in for a battlestar posting? Not sure what the frak good I’d be if I can’t fly._

The letter in her pocket crinkled when she sat at the edge of the pond, and it reminded her no matter how much thinking she did, the ultimate decision wouldn’t be hers. She needed to talk to her CO again. Turn in the letter. Make it official. Find out when she would return to work.

And she’d pushed the other aside long enough. She had to think about her living arrangements. No matter how opposed she was to divorce, she couldn’t make Lee love her. She couldn’t remember the frakkin’ wedding anyway. Maybe she’d gotten lucky and they’d had a civil service instead of at a temple. Dad would know.

She made a decent salary, so unless she had to muster out on disability, she could afford a place of her own. Or see if Helo wanted to go halfsies. They’d been part of a quad after boot camp, so she knew they wouldn’t kill each other. And with two military paychecks, they could make ends meet and then some.

She stood and made her way out of the park, nothing decided, but her choices a little clearer in her mind.


	5. Chapter 5

“I have an appointment to talk to my CO. Can one of you give me a ride to the base on Wednesday?”

“Of course we can, Kara,” Dad said, “but why don’t you ride in with Lee?”

“I don’t want to disturb his routine.” She didn’t mention he’d been leaving before she was awake, and she didn’t want to get stuck on base until eight or nine at night.

“I’m sure he’d be happy to adjust his schedule for you, Kara.”

She huffed. “Maybe. So, that’s a no?”

“I’ve been meaning to get in touch with a couple of people anyway. I can drop you off, then maybe we can meet for lunch at the base food court?”

“Wanna invite Saul?”

“Gods, he’d hate it!”

Kara laughed. “Speaking of Saul, you think maybe he’d be interested in sparring with me sometime? I need to get back up to strength, and I don’t know, I just thought…”

“Sure, Kara. I’ll ask him. What time on Wednesday?”

“Oh-nine-thirty. Gotta be there at ten.”

“I’ll be there, kiddo.”

“Thanks, Dad.” She put her phone down and went back to her internet searches. 

There were loft apartments, similar to her old one only without the steep flight of stairs, in a nicer neighborhood, stores within walking distance. For work, she could arrange to share a ride with someone, but for her personal stuff, she needed to consider the lack of a car in her future. There was a gym in the vicinity, with a complimentary membership for Fleet members. She’d have everything she needed. Everything except Lee.

She ground her palms into her eyes. Gods. This limbo sucked.

~*~*~*~*~*~

She saluted the Colonel standing in the doorway, and waved at Bill when she saw him. “Hey, Dad.”

“Hi, Kara. Do you have to go back after this?”

“Nope. Not today. Term’s over in three weeks, anyway, so she’s going to leave the interim instructor in place and have me come in two days a week for now, starting Tuesday. So you’re stuck with me.”

Bill smiled. “Then sit down, Kara, and tell me what’s wrong.”

“How -” She bit her lip.

“I’ve known you a long time. You think I don’t know when you’re worried about something?”

She smiled at the waiter who brought her water, then looked down at her placemat before looking up. “Dad, Lee and I are having problems. Bad problems.”

“This is why you didn’t want to arrange a ride with him?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“What do you mean, do? There’s nothing I can do.”

“There’s always something you can do, Kara. Talk to him.”

“Dad, I can’t talk to him when he’s never there. Even on the weekends he works. I think - “ She held back, not sure if she wanted to say the rest to him, decided not to mention her unfounded suspicions. “Lee…Lee doesn’t love me anymore.”

“What the frak are you talking about?” he boomed. Several diners looked their way, and he lowered his voice. “Of course Lee loves you.”

Kara shook her head and swallowed against tears. “I don’t think he does, Dad. I noticed something off in the hospital, but I just figured it was because he was worried, because of the accident, or because he was uncomfortable in the hospital. But then he took me home. And he doesn’t talk to me. Is hardly ever home. Doesn’t sleep with me -” 

She held up her hand when he opened his mouth, “I’m not talking about sex, Dad. I’m not even going there with you. I’m talking about sleeping. If he comes to bed at all, he waits until I’m asleep. I’ve seen him twice in the last week. And he hasn’t said ten words to me.”

Bill put his hand on Kara’s. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to have Saul beat him up?”

Kara laughed, then sobered. “No. If he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t. Beating him up won’t change it, or I would have done it myself. I need to figure out my life, Dad, and it looks like I’ll have to figure it out without Lee.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked back at him. “I hope that doesn’t mean-”

“Just try it, Kara Thrace.”

She tried to smile, but it was too hard. “Good. I have to admit I’m relieved. Do you think we could just -” She yanked a thumb over her shoulder.

Bill pulled out his wallet and tossed some cubits down. “We’ll grab something on the way home. How’s that?”

Kara nodded.

He stopped at a drive-through when she mentioned burgers, and Kara asked if he wanted to come up, sit down to eat. When they got upstairs, she got down plates and took a couple of beers out of the fridge. “I’ll be right back.”

She changed into sweats and a t-shirt, then detoured through the guest room and pulled the photos out of the bottom drawer. She put one on the dresser, then took the other one to the kitchen. 

She set it on the table. “Who’s this? In the picture with you and Lee?”

Bill picked up the picture and looked at it for such a long time, Kara thought maybe he wasn’t going to answer. Finally, he put it down and said, “This was Zak.”

“You talked about Zak in the hospital.” She rubbed her forehead, the sudden headache frustrating.

“He was my son.”

“Lee had a brother?”

He nodded without making eye contact. “He was killed a long time ago.”

“I’m sorry. Sorry you lost him, I mean.” Kara thought about the next question. “If we’ve known each other a long time, Dad, did I know him?”

Bill put his hamburger down. “Yeah, Kara, you did.”

“I don’t remember him.”

“I know.” He took a sip of his beer. “This was Zak’s graduation. He’d finally gotten his raptor wings. You insisted you had to have photographic proof three Adama pilots in the Colonial Fleet wasn’t a figment of your imagination.” He didn’t quite laugh.

She pushed the burger around on her plate, the headache edging aside her hunger. “I found the pictures in the bottom drawer of the dresser. Were he and Lee close?”

“Closer once Lee left home, I think. Then when Zak went through boot camp, he talked to Lee a lot. It was hard on all of us when he died.”

“Even me?”

“Yeah, Kara. Even you.”

She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t remember him, and there was no point in saying it again. “He looks like a nice guy.”

“He was, and he cared a lot about you. I’m sorry you don’t remember him.” Bill brusquely pushed his chair back. “I oughta go. See what trouble Saul got into without me.”

Kara walked him to the door. “Maybe call Laura. Have a cuddle night.”

“Have a -” He turned, eyebrows up into his hairline.

“Cuddle night. I don’t have any personal experience, but I’ve heard it’s good for the soul.”

Bill pulled her in tight, hugging her for a long moment. “Maybe you’re right. Might be exactly the thing we need tonight.”

“I’m sorry I brought it on.”

Bill kissed her forehead. “No. Never be afraid to talk to me. I’ll see you later.”

She watched him walk down the stairs, then shut the door. She went back to the table and picked up the photograph, scrutinizing it closely, but nothing about Zak Adama was familiar to her. Nothing but the smile. Now that she was looking for it, they all had a similar smile - that must’ve been what had been just out of sight the first time she looked at him. 

She walked the photo back to the guest room and arranged it on top of the dresser. She wondered how long it would take Lee to notice.

She went back and cleaned off the table, thankful Dad hadn’t noticed her apartment search paperwork. She stacked it all together and closed her computer on it. She had a couple more days and a weekend to look before she started working again. 

She jotted down a note to call Helo about transport to the base on Tuesday. She didn’t remember what shift he’d said he was working now. She hoped it was the same as hers; it would make things much simpler.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara put in a couple of hours with solo pyramid, working on improving her aim with her new limitations. She worked until she started missing shots because she was tired rather than because of bad aim. She cooled off by walking home and showered to take off most of the sweat before running a bath as hot as she could stand it. She listened to an entire music chip before getting out and scrubbing down in the shower again. As she dressed, she figuratively armored up for a talk with Lee - she was determined to have a calm and orderly discussion - and waited for him to come home.

She let him change clothes and go to his office, all without speaking to her, then steeled herself and approached him. “Lee.”

“What, Kara?”

“We need to talk.”

Lee swiped his face with both hands. “Does it have to be tonight, Kara? I’m beat.”

“It kinda does, Lee. This is the earliest you’ve been home since my first couple of weeks out of the hospital. Putting it off isn’t going to make it easier.” Aside from that, it was Friday night. If things got frakked up, they’d have the weekend to recover.

“Fine.” He looked at her. “What do we need to talk about?”

She got a little closer and held out her hand, not sure if he’d take it or not. “Let’s go to the kitchen. It’s the only place with two chairs.” It was also neutral territory, but she didn’t say that out loud. He nodded and followed without touching her.

Lee sat down and she got them both waters. “I’m going back to work on Tuesday, two days a week until the end of the term. Helo works the same shift. I can ride with him unless his shift changes.” Lee nodded. She noted that he didn’t offer to drop her off himself. “I have a few questions I’m hoping you can answer for me.”

Lee put a hand over his eyes, then looked at her. “Okay.”

“What kind of ceremony did we have?”

Clearly, that hadn’t been one of the questions he’d been expecting. His mouth hung open for a long beat, then he said, “What kind of ceremony?”

“Civil or Temple, Lee. When we got married. What kind?”

He didn’t look at her when he said, “Temple. The one over by your old apartment.”

Frak. Not the answer she wanted. It was going to hurt either way, but she’d have preferred not to piss off the gods. “Why didn’t I change my name? Or update my marital status with Fleet?”

“I can’t answer that, Kara.”

“Why not?”

“Not everyone does it anymore, Kara - it’s archaic. We’re both Fleet, so we didn’t need to think about insurance or any of that and we never discussed it. I didn’t ask, and you didn’t offer. As for your personnel jacket, I don’t know why you didn’t do that.”

“How long have we known each other?”

“Ten years, maybe?” He looked up to the ceiling, then nodded. “Yeah. About that.”

“Before Zak died?”

Lee looked up, shock easy to read, and something else underneath it. “You remember Zak?”

Kara shook her head. “No. I’ve looked at that photograph a dozen times, and nothing.”

“What picture?”

“One of the ones in the guest room? They were in the bottom drawer. I was bored one day and went exploring. When Dad dropped me off, I showed it to him and asked about the one where all three of you are in your uniforms.”

A smile flashed over Lee’s face. “That was a big deal for Zak. All three of the Adama men in Fleet uniforms for the first time. It was right after his graduation.”

“Sounds like a good memory, Lee.”

He combed his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. It was a good day. For all of us.”

“Did we get married before or after he died?”

“After. What are all these questions, Kara?”

Kara took a deep breath. “I’m trying to figure out my life, Lee, how you fit into mine and how I fit into yours. I know I’m married to you, okay? I feel it right here.” She dug her fist into her chest. “I know I love you, and have for a long time. It’s just a part of me, like my skin. _Kara Thrace loves Lee Adama._ ” 

She noticed he’d covered his eyes again and thanked the gods, because she was starting to get soppy. Frak. 

“But I don’t remember any details. Not dating you. Not falling in love with you. Not the wedding. Not being married. I don’t remember anything about us other than waking up in the hospital knowing I'm your wife.”

She took a drink of water and changed the subject before she got too emotional. “Are there pictures of us? I mean, besides the one in the hall? When we were dating, or at the temple, or anything?”

Lee rubbed his eyes. “Not many. Dad and Saul probably have most of them. I think Saul got on a creative kick a few years ago and decided to make themed photo albums or something.”

Kara laughed. “So not something I imagine Saul doing.”

“Beat the frak out of Dad, too, I think.” Lee looked up suddenly. “Do you remember your mom?”

Kara dug through her memories. She had a vague impression of blonde hair, but that was it. “No. She was blonde like me. That’s all I remember.”

Lee sighed. “Weird that the only parts of your life you don’t remember at all are Zak and your mother.” She couldn’t interpret the expression on his face.

“Maybe they weren’t important to me.”

“Kara! How can you even-” Lee snapped his mouth shut.

“I was close to Zak?” She pinched her hands together under the table to keep herself grounded. She already knew the answer, and she also knew she wouldn’t get anywhere with him if she lost her temper.

Lee stood up to pace, turned to her and nodded once. “You knew him before you knew me. Or Dad. You were one of his instructors. You spent a lot of extra time in the sims with him - it took him longer than you expected to get a feel for flying vipers, and even then he ended up switching to raptors.”

“So what? I took one look at my student’s brother and fell madly in love?” She laughed in disbelief.

“That’s…not exactly the way it happened, no, but yeah. It was love at first sight, as ridiculous as I’ve always thought that idea was.”

“So when did you stop loving me, Lee?”

Lee turned sharply. “What!? Kara, I never sto - frak.” He sat down heavily.

“Then what’s wrong with us? Were we fighting before my accident? Is that why I don’t remember, because I’m blocking it out?” 

“I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong with us, or why I don’t remember?”

“Either.”

“Can we try and fix it?” 

Lee had buried his head in his arms, and he didn’t move.

_I’ll take that as a no._ “I found myself a place.”

Lee’s head shot up. His lashes were wet. “What?! No. Gods, no. I’ve frakked this whole thing up!”

“You don’t want me to leave?”

“I don’t - no. I don’t. I really don’t.”

“Then something has to change, Lee. I feel like you can’t even stand to be in the same room with me, much less touch me. It’s bad enough you won’t frak me, but you won’t even come to bed until I’m asleep. That’s not love.”

Lee answered in a monotone. “Okay. What do you want?”

Kara snorted. “That’s not really how this works, Lee. What I want is for you to love me. I want you to act like you love me. _You’ve_ got to figure out what that looks like. What would be the point of me telling you?”

Lee stood up and held out his hand. “Can we go to bed and let me figure it out tomorrow? I’m exhausted.”

Kara was almost afraid to hope. “Together?”

“Yeah. Please?”

It was a good start.


	6. Chapter 6

The last thing Lee needed right now was Kara wanting to talk. Then she mentioned his late hours and he felt guilty. Maybe she’d needed him and because he was a coward, unable to even _pretend_ to be the man she needed, he hadn’t been here for her.

When she started off with work, he was relieved. Maybe this would be okay. 

Then she asked about their wedding, and he’d answered ‘temple’ without even thinking about it. He knew that’s what Kara would have wanted, if it had happened for real. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, though, and didn’t know - was afraid to ask - why.

Then things got even worse - question after question, her confusion about their life together and his fear she’d figure out the whole thing was one giant lie - and Lee felt like he was drowning in this life Kara had created by waking up married in the hospital. It was a life Lee wanted, but not one he knew how to have.

When she asked if they could fix whatever was wrong between them, Lee wanted to say yes, but instead, he said nothing. 

And in return, she hit him where it hurt.

_I found myself a place._

Finally desperate enough, he asked her what she wanted, what he could do to show her he loved her, and her ambiguous answer made him even more tired than he already was. He needed sleep, and the hope in her eyes when she said _together?_ was too much. He could give her that, and if he did, maybe she’d be more talkative in the morning.

The scent and feel of Kara in his arms dragged him under in record time. He hadn’t slept that well in weeks.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They’d talked about the kids and Kara’s lunch with Bill, and Saul felt like they were just going around in circles. Besides that, Laura had her mouth pursed in the way that meant she had already solved the problem, and was waiting for them to catch up. Aside from making him want to stalk across the room and kiss her until she moaned, it was getting on his nerves. They needed her input, and he knew she would never say a word until someone actually asked her.

“Spit it out, Roslin,” he growled.

She turned a page in her book. “I have no idea what you mean, Saul.”

“You do. You’ve been listening to us for the last two days, and we need you to weigh in.”

“They aren’t my children. They aren’t children at all anymore.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he muttered. “Tell her, Bill. And besides, if they’re our kids, they’re your kids. We’re in this together, aren’t we?”

Bill turned on the couch. “What Saul means, Laura, is as an educator, you tend to see things from a different perspective, one we benefit from hearing.”

Saul snorted at Bill’s precise diction and pompous tone, but nodded. “Yeah. Just ‘cause I didn’t say it right…”

Laura laughed. “I have been listening to you two go round and round, and there’s something neither of you has considered.”

“What’s that?”

“We've only known each other a couple of years, Bill, but you talk about Kara as if she were the daughter you never had. You and Saul talk about her as if she's part of your family.”

“‘Cause she is,” Saul grunted out.

“So for you two, the change is minimal. She loves Lee, thinks she’s married to him. That’s the only thing new to you, right?”

Both men carefully nodded.

“So the most critical question is: what about Lee? Does Lee love Kara?”

Bill sputtered. “Of course! We all love Kara!”

“Wait, Bill,” Saul stuck his hand out. “I think I see what she’s getting at.”

“Kara woke up with this life in her head, but Lee had it dropped on him with a phone call. _Your wife has been in a car accident. Come to the hospital._ For Kara, she’s been married for years. For Lee, he’s still what? The big brother? The best friend? The ex-boyfriend’s brother? The man who had his entire life turned upside down when we shoved her life into his apartment?”

Saul knew how Lee felt. Had known for years, not that Bill would ever have listened. He was playing along with the charade, though, same as the rest of them, so he must be okay with the idea of Kara and Lee together.

“Frak.”

“If you two are going to insist on being meddling old men, someone needs to ask Lee if he’s willing to spend the rest of his life married to someone he’s not actually married to. It’s a lot to ask of a person. He’ll be giving up on the possibility of -”

“What if he says no? We can’t let Kara go off by herself.” Bill sounded alarmed at the idea.

“Are you going to disown her if they split up?” Laura tossed her hair over her shoulder.

They both spoke at once. 

“Of course not. We didn’t before.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Then she won’t be alone. The bottom line, though, gentlemen, is Kara and Lee are grown-ups. They need to resolve this themselves. That doesn’t mean you can’t ask some pointed questions, but it does mean they need to arrive at a solution that works for them, not for you.” She opened her book again, her finger still marking her place. “And if they’re going to stay married, maybe they should _get_ married. Maybe what’s holding Lee back is that he didn’t get the courtship, the wedding. He just magically got a wife, and he doesn’t feel like a husband.”

Bill frowned. “Wait. How would that work? Wouldn’t Kara wonder why?”

“From what I understand, she doesn’t remember any of the details, right?” She waited for Bill to agree. “She’d be getting memories. Moments to treasure.”

He and Bill looked at each other, and Saul grinned at Bill. “I think we got ourselves the smartest woman alive, Bill.”

“Hmph,” said Laura, as if she were already engrossed in her book again.

Saul snatched up a piece of notepaper on the way to her chair and shoved it in her book, then pulled her out of the chair.

“Saul Tigh! Put me down.”

“Nope. Didn’t anybody ever tell you smart is sexy?” He asked, his voice rough.

Laura gave a sultry little laugh. “Hmm. Not today…”

“Speaking of getting married,” he looked around to Bill, “I think we should get married. The three of us. Elope.”

Bill sat back down.

“What?” Laura asked. “Why?”

“You’re the one who called us old men. Maybe I just don’t want to die a crusty bachelor." Saul waggled his eyebrows and imitated Kara's tone. "Not when I could have a _hottie_ for a wife. And for a husband. What do you say?”

Laura swung her leg at Bill. “I think it’s the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard.” 

Saul sucked in a breath, prepping for her refusal. 

Laura's eyes flitted from one to the other. “I love it. Why shouldn’t we?”

Bill finally spoke up. “Wouldn’t you want the whole wedding - guests and all that? It’s your only wedding. Both of us have been married before.”

Laura shook her head. “No, Bill. Maybe if my family were alive, I’d want to make a bigger splash. But this would be just for us, so I’d actually rather have easy and uncomplicated. Just witnesses. Lee and Kara would be perfect. Keep it all in the family. Not the Secretary of Education getting married, just Laura Roslin.”

Bill stepped up on the other side and kissed Laura and Saul both. “Saul, I think you’re right. Smartest woman alive.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Three weeks into assisting with the class she’d been teaching for four years - it was bullshit, busywork. Term was all but over, and she was completely superfluous. She could feel the tension building up in a sizzle under her skin, like lightning waiting to strike the unwary. Not so long ago, she’d have gone to a bar, gotten a little buzz on and gotten into a fight, ended up in hack for a night. Or found someone to frak-fight. She liked to think she’d grown up some since then, though. And she was married now, for all the good that did her.

Around Lee she felt like a gangly colt still getting her land legs, or a hungry mountain cat, watching from the shadows for the right moment to pounce on her prey. It didn’t help that nothing had been resolved. Lee had gotten her hopes up when they’d gone to bed together. He’d still been in bed when she’d woken up, and she’d snuggled up to him, hoping in his semi-sleepy state, he’d be more amenable to her advances.

No. He hadn’t thrown her off, but he’d taken the first opportunity to hop out of bed, shower, and get out of the apartment, barely a word to her in the process.

The apartment she found was pretty, with a good view of a pyramid pitch and an easy stroll to the mom-and-pop grocery store. She’d gone ahead and filled out the paperwork, then chickened out when it came time to put down the deposit. Kara told the manager she’d get back to her with a final decision, and hoped she'd never have to make that decision.

A couple of weeks later, when her office phone rang, it startled her out of her trance. “Captain Thrace.”

“Captain Thrace, it’s Virginia, with Buckley Management? It’s Thursday, and I’m leaving for a long weekend. I wanted to touch base with you before I left for the day. Are you ready for me to process your application?”

A sudden cramp in Kara’s stomach had her banging her fist on the desk. She determinedly stretched out her fingers. _Just do it, Kara._ But she couldn’t make herself. “Can you wait on it? I know the chances are slim of getting that same apartment, but I’m not ready yet.”

She cut out of work early. What was the point in staying? She walked to the food court and called Helo. “I’m gone. If you’re going to be a couple of hours still, I’ll just catch a cab.”

“Sounds good, Kara. Hey, wanna do something tomorrow afternoon? There’s a pick-up pyramid game on the pitch on base. 1600.”

“Maybe. I’ll at least come watch. How’s that?”

“Deal. See you tomorrow, then.”

She shoved her phone back into her pocket and walked to the gate, where she hailed a passing cab. Back at home, she changed and went downstairs to beat the hell out of the heavy bag, unsuccessfully pretending it wasn’t Lee she was visualizing. After she showered and put on sweats, she made the only change she was ready for - in less than half an hour, she’d moved everything of hers to the guest bedroom and hall bath. Then she shut the door and cried.

When Lee got home, he went through his usual routine, settling into his office, apparently without noticing she wasn’t in their room. She wondered how long it would take him to say something.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Friday’s game was fun, even just to watch. She enjoyed heckling the players, giving them pointers during water breaks. One of them asked her if she coached, and Helo hugged her shoulder. 

“Nah. Starbuck here was going pro. Done everything but signed on the dotted line, then blew her knee out.” He smirked down at her. “Gods, Kara, it sucked to be your friend for a while.”

She grimaced and punched him in the arm. “Thanks for the reminder, Helo. Always a pleasure to be around you, too.”

He faked hurt and hugged her again. “Sorry.”

“When you’re finished, can you take me home? Or if you want to stop and shower, I’ll buy burgers after.”

Helo looked at her, eyebrows raised nearly into his hairline. “Who are you?”

She stuck out her tongue. “What? I’ve paid before.”

Helo laughed. “Right. You keep telling yourself that.”

“You keep going and I’ll rescind the offer, jackass.”

He grinned, took another slug of water, pretended to zip his mouth, then ruined the pantomime by shouting, “Hey, guys, we about done here?” When everybody nodded or waved in acknowledgement, he slung his bag over his shoulder. “I can shower at the gym. You wanna come talk to me?”

“Aww, do I need to hold your hand while you shower, Helo? That’s so cute.”

“Gods, you’re a bitch today. What’s got your panties in a twist?”

She seized on the only reason she wanted to share. “Sorry. Work mostly. They don’t need me, so I’m bored out of my skull, and I haven’t been in a plane since before my accident.”

“Withdrawal, huh? I could maybe sneak you into a raptor, Kara. Show you how real pilots fly.”

She bumped him with her hip. “Shut up, Helo, and get on with the shower. Haven’t seen a naked man in weeks.” She bit her lip as soon as the words were out, but he didn’t seem to notice, just played at stripping for her until she laughed.

She made an effort over burgers and shakes to be more congenial. No sense driving Helo off with her moods, though he’d put up with way worse back during boot camp, and she'd been a monster after she'd blown out her knee.

Her second night in the guest room she tossed and turned for over an hour, growing increasingly frustrated with her inability to just go the frak to sleep. She took a deep breath, intent on trying some meditation, and she wanted to smack herself when she realized at least part of the reason she’d slept so well in the other bedroom was because she could smell Lee. She had no idea how to make that happen in here. Trade pillows? Gods, she was pathetic. Since Lee still wasn’t home, she got up and did it anyway. She’d be fine feeling stupid if she could sleep again.

Almost immediately, she felt her body relax, and she wasn’t even aware of drifting off.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Maybe it was because this room didn’t have a window, but she slept like the dead, waking up stretching and groaning lazily after hours of uninterrupted bliss. She took care of business and went to the coffeepot, where she found a note from Lee.

_I’d appreciate a call next time you decide not to come home._

No Kara. No Lee. She could practically feel the cold wafting off the note in waves of brittle ice. She was tempted to grab the pen and scribble a sarcastic reply; instead, she crumpled it up and left it there. _Kiss my lily-white ass, Leland Adama._

Actually…oh. Yes. That was exactly what they needed. She needed to stop being nice to him. She needed to be Kara Thrace again. She needed to pick a fight. 

With a spring in her step, she checked the apartment to confirm he wasn’t home. She took a shower in the master bath and left her clothes and wet towel on the floor. She intentionally flicked toothpaste on the mirror as she brushed her teeth and didn’t bother wiping it off. She unmade the bed, even though she hadn’t slept in it, leaving the sheets all tangled up and her vibrator and panties right in the middle of it. She giggled as she got dressed, deciding to go to the temple by her old apartment, and on her way out, purposely spilled coffee on the counter and left it there.

She didn’t know what was going to do it, but something would push the right button, and she and Lee had always been frak or fight. If he wouldn’t frak, she’d make him fight. And then maybe frak. Smiling so wide her cheeks hurt, she left the apartment and caught a cab.

The quiet of the temple was a salve to her soul. Maybe nothing else was going right at the moment, but here, the peace seeped into the cracks left by departed memories and an indifferent husband, and made her feel whole for a few precious minutes.

As she walked out the doors of the temple, the sunlight hit her just right, driving a spike into her brain, and the accompanying vertigo was enough to have her reaching out for anything to avoid going face first down the steps. A warm, solid presence at her knee steadied her. Her outflung hand hit fur, and she dug her fingers in. The dog moved away, leading her to the wall, and she leaned against it until she heard a whine.

She sank to the ground, taking a good look at the dog. “I don’t know where you came from, but thank you.” The dog licked her hand and huffed. “That was the worst one I’ve had since the hospital.” The dog kept smiling at her. “It isn’t going to go away, is it?” The dog crowded closer and huffed again. “Frak.”

She let herself mope for a few minutes, then forced herself to her feet. “All right. Who do you belong to?” She stepped toward the temple doors, and he followed along right at her knee.

One of the priests came from an alcove and glided toward Kara. Since she’d been a child, she’d been fascinated by the way some of them could sweep across a room without seeming to move at all. 

“Did you enjoy your prayers this morning?”

Kara put her hand in the dog’s fur again, nodded. “It was good to be here. Any idea who this guy belongs to?”

“He comes around occasionally, greets people at the door then wanders off again, like he’s looking for someone. We’ve got a shelter on the side for neighborhood strays, and I’ve seen him emerge early in the morning sometimes.”

“Well, frak.” Kara shifted her weight. “Can dogs tell when people are sick?”

“Some dogs can. Cats. Horses. This has all happened before, and it will all happen again. The people we need find us in each cycle, and who’s to say they choose to return with only two legs?”

“Huh.” Kara’d been hoping for a bit less abstract and a little more hard information. She looked down at the dog, sitting attentively at her side.

“Maybe he needs to be needed. Maybe he’s been looking for a purpose instead of a person.”

“Um. Okay. Thanks.” She lifted a hand to wave half-heartedly and went back out the door. This time she paused and turned her head, so the sun wouldn’t hit her again, and she squatted, holding the dog’s muzzle. “I’m gonna go now. Thanks for helping me out back there.” 

He huffed. 

Kara stood, looking down at him for another minute, then started walking slowly away. She didn’t look back.

Less than a dozen paces later, the dog was in step with her, six inches off her right knee. “I tell you to go back, you’re just gonna ignore me, aren’t you?” Yeah. Well, she’d wanted to piss Lee off… She held up her hand, and bundled the dog into the back seat of the cab that stopped. “Pet store.”


	7. Chapter 7

She scrambled up the stairs, weighed down by bags. Even the frakkin’ dog was carrying one between his teeth. She dropped everything outside the door and dug out her keys. She’d barely gotten the key into the lock when the door was yanked open from the other side.

“Ka-” He looked down. “What - the frak - is that?”

“You hit _your_ head, Lee? He’s a dog.”

“Why is it here?” He practically shouted the words, and the dog dropped his bag, stepping between Lee and Kara.

“Well, Lee, apparently the gods have decided I need him. Or he needs me. Or something. And not that you care, but he kept me from falling down the steps at the temple this morning.” She picked up several bags and shoved them at him. “Make yourself useful.”

His hands automatically closed on the bags, then he seemed to gather himself. “What do you mean, fell down the stairs?”

“I didn’t. Dog saved me. Am I speaking Gemenese?” She pushed past him, dropping everything on the kitchen table before returning for the rest. 

Lee still stood there, mouth opening and closing. She shut the door and went to unload the bags. She set up the bowls against the wall in the tiny laundry room, and took the dog bed into the guest bedroom, along with a fake bone. He curled up in it, attacking the bone with vigor, and she scratched his head. 

“We’re going to have a fight now, so just ignore us, okay?” He licked her hand and Kara went back to the kitchen.

“Why’d you put him in the guest room?”

“It’s where I sleep. He’ll want to be near me.” 

She watched Lee pale and then flush. His hands curled into fists and she widened her stance, flexing her knees just a little. _Finally!_ Then he turned and walked to his office and shut the door.

No.

She stalked to the door and threw it open. “Just say it, Lee. Whatever it is, just let me have it!”

She was stunned when he turned around blinking back tears. She could count on one hand the times she could remember seeing him cry, and this was so the opposite of what she wanted. When Lee cried, she gave him whatever he wanted. FRAK!

He sniffed. “Do you know how worried I was when you didn’t come home the last two nights? And now you’re telling me you were here the whole time, asleep in the guest bedroom?”

“Actually, I’m surprised you noticed I wasn’t home.” She crossed her arms. “You’ve been treating me like a roommate since I got home from the hospital, so I decided to act like one. I didn’t feel right sleeping in your bed anymore. I’ll stay in the guest room until the paperwork on my new place goes through.”

“ _My_ bed?” He took a step toward her. “I told you I don’t want you to leave.”

“And then you did absolutely nothing to show me that.” She whirled away. “I love you, Lee, but I can’t live like this! I can’t divorce you, but I won’t sit here at home like a good little wife, pretending that scraps of affection when other people are around are good enough. If that’s who you wanted, you never should have married me!” 

To her horror, she felt tears welling up in her own eyes. She bit her tongue hard, relieved when the creep of moisture retreated.

He grabbed her arm. “You said you’d let me figure it out, Kara.”

“That was a week ago, Lee. Another week of living with a man who can’t stand me. How long do you need to either figure out how to love me again, or decide to give up?”

“I’m not giving up, Kara.”

“You already have, Lee!” She flailed and whirled again and her head swam. “Oh.” The word was hardly out of her mouth when the dog was there, pressing gently on her knee. “Frak. That’s twice in one day.” She stroked the dog’s head. “You were right.”

“Are you seriously talking to the dog?”

“What the hell difference does it make, Lee?” She looked in his direction, but not directly at him. “I’m going to bed. I guess I don’t want to fight, after all.” She took a step down the hall. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I moved all my stuff out of your room, so you can start sleeping in there again.”

That wasn’t a sob she heard behind her. It wasn’t. She resolutely continued to the guest room and sprawled face down on the bed. She pulled the pillow over, focused on the ache in her chest until everything else faded away.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lee was rooted to the floor while the dog, _the godsdamn dog!_ came from the other room and stood by Kara until she could walk. He sucked in trembling breaths, listened to her throw herself onto the bed, not _their_ bed, but the guest bed. He was frakking this up so badly she had already left him. She just hadn’t moved out.

He fell into his chair and scrubbed his face with his hands. _This is your chance, Lee. She hasn’t left yet. She’s still here. She loves you. You love her. FIX it!_ He still didn’t know how. In a fugue, he dug his phone out, dialed his dad’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Saul. Dad there?”

“Nope. He went to meet some friends for dinner.”

“Oh.” He held the phone away from his face, took a deep breath, tried to center himself.

“What’s bothering you, kid?”

He didn’t want to talk to Saul, didn’t intend to say anything, but, “Kara. I’ve frakked it all up and I don’t know what to do,” came out of his mouth.

Saul sighed, as if he’d rather be doing anything other than talking to Lee about his love life, but his voice was quieter when he asked, “What’s happened, Lee?”

“We had a talk a week ago, and she told me she was moving out. I don’t want her to leave, and I told her that, so she told me to ‘figure out what loving her looked like,’ whatever the frak that means, and today she left a mess everywhere and came home with a dog and told me I’ve already given up, and -” Saul was laughing in his ear, and Lee growled under his breath. “What the frak, Saul?”

Saul managed to cut off his laughter. “Do you love her, Lee? Are you in love with her?” Lee didn’t say anything, and Saul said, “It’s a yes or no question, Lee. You shouldn’t have to think about it.”

Lee bit down the guilt he felt about loving Kara. “Yes.”

“Since you brought her home, how many times have you eaten dinner with her, gone to the park with her, hell, combed her hair after a shower, yes, a nurse told on you. He thought it was ‘soooo romantic’.”

“I - “ Romantic? Gods, if she needed romance, he was frakked.

“Sweet Asses of Kobol, Lee! If you tell me you haven’t done any of that, I’m going to reach through this phone and punch your punk face.”

Lee held the phone in front of him, staring at it, then put it back to his ear. “Then I won’t tell you.”

“I already knew. How long have you loved her, Lee? Before Zak was killed, right?”

“How’d-” His stomach roiled.

“It’s the way you look at her. Always have.”

“Frak. Does dad know?”

“Your dad wants his family together, and that includes Kara. But has he noticed you're in love with her? Of course not.” Saul chuckled, then took a deep breath. “Zak died a long time ago, Lee. Do you really think he was so selfish he’d want the two of you to be unhappy out of loyalty to him?”

“He wasn’t-”

“No, he wasn’t. He was a good kid who died too young who would have wanted his brother and his ex-girlfriend to be happy. Why do you think she stayed close to us after they broke up? He didn’t want Kara to lose the only family he thought she’d ever had. That’s how much he loved her. Do you love her less?”

“No,” he muttered. 

“Then let her know. If you can’t figure out how to love her from where you are, start all over again. Take her on a date.”

“She’s pissed at me, Saul. How’m I supposed to convince her to go on a date?”

“Well, a blow job always works on me when I’m mad, but -”

“Oh my gods! Saul! Don’t want to know! Hanging up now!” Saul's laughter was ringing in his ears even after he ended the call. 

After Kara had pointed it out to him, he’d known, but he hadn’t _known_. He shuddered. He shoved the phone back in his pocket and stood up. If he could do one thing for her right now, what would it be? The dog showed up in the doorway, whining.

“Something wrong with Kara?” Lee hurried to follow, but the dog headed for the front door, not the bedroom. He nudged the leash. _Okay. Take the dog for a walk. That’s a showing thing, isn’t it? Maybe I’ve made this harder than it needs to be._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara woke to the delectable smell of fresh-brewed coffee, and shuffled like a zombie into the kitchen. There was a note next to the coffee pot.

_Took the dog for a walk. Save me some coffee. Do you still like omelettes?_

She looked at the kitchen clock. Depending on how long he’d been gone, she had time for a shower. She took the coffee with her, and prayed to the gods she wasn’t setting herself up for another fall.

She was wrapped in a towel still dripping when Lee came back. She leaned her head back and saw him hang up the leash and head to the kitchen, so she was startled when he showed up in the doorway.

“Morning.”

She picked up her comb. “Morning.”

Lee took the comb and looked at her in the mirror, turning her around to lean back on the sink. He combed her hair out, untangling it from the bottom the way he’d done in the hospital. She closed her eyes. She could feel the tingle in her skin where Lee’s fingers touched her, the warmth his body radiated, her pulse jumping in her neck. She took a deep breath, hoping to get herself under control, and all she could smell was Lee.

She must’ve made a noise, because Lee stopped. “Did I hurt you? Sorry. I’ll be more careful.” 

Once he was finished, he pulled a towel off the rack and scrunched the ends of her hair to take up the remaining moisture. He moved to put her comb down and Kara leaned forward to drop a kiss in the vee of his shirt, then put her arms around his waist.

“Thanks, Lee.” She flattened a hand over the edge of the towel. “I should get dressed now.”

He stared down at her as if he’d forgotten she was dressed only in a towel, and stepped back. “I’ll go…get breakfast started.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

He hesitated, maybe to say or do something else, but he shook his head slightly and went for the kitchen.

Breakfast was half an hour of awkward but polite conversation, interspersed with forks clattering on their plates and Lee offering to divide up what was left.

She kept waiting for him to retreat to his office, but he didn’t. When he got up to clear the table, she watched him for a minute or two, just enjoying the way all the muscles flowed under his clothes. Gods, she loved looking at him! 

“You want me to help?”

He turned and smiled at her. “I’ve got it. I cleaned up most of it while I was cooking anyway.” When he was done, he dried his hands on a towel and leaned on the counter. “Kara? Would you - would you like to go out tonight?”

“Like a date?” She sat up straight, hoping.

“Yeah. If you want.”

Kara stood and walked over to him. “Depends. Do you frak on the first date?”

“Kara!”

“Just a joke, Lee.”

“No, it wasn’t.” He picked up her hand to play with her fingers.

“Okay. It wasn’t. I can’t help it. I miss you.”

Lee ducked his head.

“Lee.”

He looked up.

“Do I need to dress up?”

His smile was bright and made her insides wobbly. “Not unless you just want to. Nothing fancy. Just food.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Things had gone so well all day, Kara was waiting for something to go wrong. It seemed like it always did since she’d come home. Good things had happened, too, but she still wondered what else was going to get frakked.

The dog _He needs a name, Kara._ was waiting by the door when they got back to the apartment. Lee reached for the leash and the dog looked up at Kara. 

She laughed. “I guess he wants me to do it.”

Lee handed the leash over and Kara bent to hook it to the dog's collar. “You could come with us.” She didn’t look up, afraid to see refusal in his face. She stood and he still hadn’t said anything, so she ignored the disappointment and reached for the door.

“I’d like that.”

She smiled without looking at him and left the door for him to close. As they walked toward the park, the dog sniffing busily and yet staying at Kara’s knee, their hands brushed together every so often. Kara’s heart jumped every time. The next time their hands touched, she held her breath and hooked her pinkie around one of his fingers. She forced herself to breathe out slowly when he squeezed her finger and left their hands together.

When they got to the park, Kara unhooked the leash and told the dog to go take care of business. He trotted off, sniffing for a good spot. Kara watched until he disappeared behind a tree. 

“Lee?” When he turned, his brow raised, she said, “This week is my next doctor appointment, when I go over the results of the last neuro exam? D’you - could you -” She paused and made herself breathe. “I want you to come with me. I have to talk to her about the vertigo, and -”

Lee grabbed her hand and nodded. “I’ll be there, Kara. I’ll pick you up, and maybe we can have lunch before or after.”

“Okay. Good. Good.” The dog came back and as she hooked the leash back on she looked up at Lee. “I need to take him to the vet, too. He’s got a tattoo in his ear, and I need to find out if he’s got someone missing him. He’d been living on the street by the temple, so he needs to have a check-up anyway.”

“What are you going to do if you find his owners?”

“Give him back, of course.”

“He seems pretty attached to you.”

“I can’t keep him if they want him back.” 

Lee dropped it when she said that, and Kara thanked the gods. She didn’t want to _think_ about giving the dog to anybody, much less keep talking about it. It had just been a couple of days, but she was attached, too. She liked having him around, especially right now when things with Lee were so difficult.

When they got home, she took an inordinate amount of time taking care of the dog, hoping Lee would say something else, want to do something else that would prolong their time together. She wasn’t ready for it to end, but she ran out of things to take care of, so she said, “Thanks for going to the park with us, Lee,” and went to her room.


	8. Chapter 8

Lee was just about ready to leave for work, and he stood in the doorway to the guest room. With the hall light, he could see her tousled blonde hair. He wanted to bury his nose in the skin on the back of her neck, breathe her in.

The dog whined at him, as if making sure everything was okay. “It’s fine.” He walked over and bent to scratch the dog’s head. “Kara?” 

He sat on the edge of the bed and touched her shoulder, and she turned over, sitting up with her fists out. He put his hands around one and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. 

“Just me, Kara. I need to know what day your appointment is, so I can put in the PTO paperwork.”

She stretched a tiny bit and scruffed her fingers through her hair, blinking slowly. Gods, she was adorable! 

“Um…Wednesday. 1400.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up about 1100. How’s that? Lunch first?”

She nodded and tipped her face up. Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed her. Kara’s hand curled around the back of his neck, pulling him down as she laid back. He put his hands on either side of her shoulders, trying to keep from getting too caught up in her. 

She softened the kiss, then pulled back a scant half inch. “I remember kissing you under the mistletoe. Did we do that?”

Lee nodded. It had been one of only a handful of kisses, and it was a guilty pleasure memory. 

_For a few minutes, they forgot anyone else was in the room, lips sliding, tongues tasting of peppermint and hot chocolate. Kara was soft curves in his arms, breasts pressed into his chest. He jumped when Zak clapped him on the shoulder, laughing about Lee needing his own girl to kiss under the mistletoe._

_Zak swooped between them, kissing Kara quickly and walking away again. Lee looked at Kara, her fingers caressing her lips, her eyes wide, and he wanted so badly to kiss her again. Forget about Zak and kiss Kara until they both flew apart._

_Kara blinked, shaking her head the tiniest bit, then feathered those same fingers over his lips and moved away._

It never ended that way in his fantasies.

“I love kissing you,” she said, closing her eyes and curling to her side.

He cupped the side of her head and she smiled. He got out while he still could. 

He thought about that kiss, all the ones from years ago, most of the way to work. Yesterday had gone well, so maybe Saul had been right about taking her on a date. He shivered again, thinking of the end of that conversation, and forced the image out of his head. Kara, sleepy and warm and kissable. Much better. Except now his pants were tight. He sat in the parking lot doing an imaginary pre-flight check until he could get out of the car without embarrassing himself.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Laura saw Kara coming and waved, and Kara picked up her pace, the dog at her side keeping up effortlessly. When Kara got close, Laura smiled as she got up. 

“I’m glad you called. I needed to get out of the office this week, and this is the perfect excuse.” She waved her hand at the dog. “Who’s this?”

Kara shifted her weight. “I, uh, don’t know his name yet. Or haven’t given him one.” She shrugged. “We’re going to take him to the vet this week, have his ear tat checked out, see who he belongs to.”

“Where’d you find him?” She handed Kara a sandwich and unwrapped her own.

“Temple. I had a pretty bad episode of vertigo, and he was just suddenly there. I tried to leave him behind, and he refused.” Kara scratched his head for a minute. “And I wanted to piss Lee off, so I brought him home.”

“Did it work?” She didn’t bother asking why. She’d done the same thing herself with both Bill and Saul at different times. If Lee was anything like his father… Well, the make-up sex was always worth the fight.

“Not exactly the way I planned. It got pretty bad for a little while. But something must’ve gotten through to him, because yesterday he was totally different, and this morning, he kissed me goodbye.”

“Hmm. Can’t underestimate the value of a goodbye kiss.” She didn’t mention the phone call, unsure whether Lee would have shared that with Kara.

“I had a memory when he kissed me. The first time I had one since the accident. I remembered kissing him before.” Kara’s shy smile was fleeting.

“A good memory?” She’d wondered, after listening to Bill and Saul debate the children’s love life for an entire weekend. Had been lying next to Saul when Lee called the other night. It had been illuminating listening to Saul Tigh dispensing fatherly advice. And sexy.

This smile was bigger. “Yep. Mistletoe. Peppermint. Mmm.” She took a giant bite of her sandwich and licked her lips unconsciously.

Laura hid a smile. “Did you call for anything special, or just to talk?”

“Sort of just to talk, but…” She scuffed her shoe on the ground, then shrugged again.

“While you’re deciding, I have some news, for which I apparently have you to thank.”

Kara’s mouth opened slightly, and she looked just a little bit afraid.

“We’re getting married. Saul said it was your idea.”

“Really?” Kara’s eyes lit up. “I didn’t know about you then, and I told him they should elope. He was worried about how Lee would take it.”

“Saul got over that, I’m happy to say.” She gestured toward a bench. “You want to sit?”

The dog led the way.

“So, what is it?”

“I’m seeing the doctor again on Wednesday. I’ve had more vertigo. I’m not really ready…”

Rather than let Kara sink into whatever that was, Laura said, “We never are. What are your options?”

“Have them find me a different job or muster out on disability. That’s it for Fleet.”

“And if you leave the military?”

“I don’t know. I know how to fly and how to play pyramid and triad. I had a crazy thought a few weeks ago.” She looked up to gauge Laura’s interest. “I thought about maybe coaching. Pyramid, I mean.”

Laura nodded. “Do you enjoy the game?”

Kara went off on a nearly ten-minute monologue about pyramid and players and statistics and training, standing up and pacing back and forth, arms gesturing wildly; Laura enjoyed watching her enthusiasm for the sport displace her worry for a few minutes.

Kara slowed down, sat with a thunk. “Didn’t mean to talk your ear off. Sorry.”

“Ask me about boxing sometime,” she teased, and they both laughed.

Kara looked off into the distance. “I don’t know how to not be a pilot. It’s been part of my identity for ten years.”

“You’ll never stop being a pilot inside, Kara, just like deep in my heart, I’m still a school teacher, an educator, despite my current title. We bring our past experiences into the future, into everything we become. Have you considered talking to a career counselor? I’m sure -”

Kara was shaking her head. “I’ve kind of been avoiding making it real. I have to talk to the doctor on Wednesday, and I know she’s going to ground me more permanently. She won’t have a choice.” The dog had come to sit between her knees, and she reached down and ruffled his ears between her hands. “I guess I wanna pretend for a couple more days.”

Laura could understand the fervent desire for reality to back off and come again another day. She put her hand on Kara’s and they sat in silence for a few minutes. When Kara started getting wiggly, she said, “Whatever happens, we’ll be here for you, Bill and Saul and I.”

Without looking up, Kara said, “I’m really happy for you. For all of you. Dad’s been really great, and Saul, too, especially since the accident. I’m glad something is working out the way it should.”

“Thank you. You’re going to be a witness, you know.”

“Really? Do I have to wear a dress?”

“I think you’d look spectacular in a dress, and I’m pretty sure Lee would agree, but you can show up in shorts and a tank top for all I care. It’s just going to be us. The three of us and you and Lee. Just the family.”

She saw the corner of Kara’s mouth crook up.

“I need to get back to the office - education referenda this week on seven colonies. You guys want to walk me part of the way?”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara was pacing when he came home early on Wednesday. She’d been increasingly nervous over the last couple of days, quiet, but with a sort of frenetic energy just under the surface. Now that he had stopped actively trying to avoid her, he could sense she was afraid, and he wished he hadn’t been so selfish, so busy trying to keep his own heart safe in case her memory returned, that she'd felt unable to trust him, unable to share with him. 

“Hey.” He hung his keys up on the hook.

“Hi. You’re home early.”

“I wanted…I don’t know what I wanted.” He took a few steps closer to her. Kara watched him warily. Since that kiss on Monday, she seemed more self-conscious, more cautious about touching him, and he found himself wishing for the spontaneous, uninhibited Kara she’d been the first few days out of the hospital, the one who wanted him and wasn’t afraid to let him know. Had he waited too long?

He reached out and ran a finger down her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into it, and he took a chance. He stepped closer, tipped her chin slightly and kissed her, soft and quick. It wasn’t enough suddenly. He opened his eyes, and she was staring at him, waiting for a cue. 

“Kara -” 

“Please.”

He walked her backward to the counter and wrapped a hand around the back of her neck as their lips met again. She was unexpectedly docile, her mouth still, responding rather than initiating, her hands hanging loosely at his sides. He wanted the Kara who’d kissed him on Monday, sweet and hot and soft with sleep. Eager. How did he get _her_ back? 

Kara shifted between him and the counter, and he pressed into her, rolling his not-quite erection between them. He groaned under his breath at the sensation.

He rested his forehead on hers, glided his thumb over her lower lip. She flicked her tongue at it, soft, delicate, tentative. 

“We need to go if we’re going to have time for lunch before your appointment.”

Kara sighed and turned her head, nodding. “Okay.”

It seemed important not to leave it like that. “Hey.” He put his fingers under her chin. “I’m not saying no. Just let’s wait until after. No pressure.”

Kara nodded again. He wasn’t sure he’d clarified anything. She still looked like she was disappointed, but he didn’t know if it was about this, or about the doctor visit.

“Where do you want to have lunch?”

Kara made several suggestions, and he picked a place nearer to the doctor than their apartment. It was someplace she’d been before, with him and Zak, in happier times, and he hoped maybe that would subconsciously rub off on today.

She scooted in next to him in the booth, and ordered a salad with iced tea, both of which surprised him. Kara wasn’t exactly a salad kind of girl, usually preferring burgers and steaks, french fries and shakes. She remained quiet during lunch, mostly pushing the salad around rather than eating it.

When lunch was over, he suggested they go ahead and get to the doctor. “She might be able to get you in earlier, and it’ll leave more time for the vet.”

Kara agreed. When they got to the doctor’s exam room, she grabbed his hand. They waited for the doctor, Kara squeezing his hand until his fingers ached. She’d been so quiet, when she spoke, he jumped.

“She’s going to ground me. I can’t fly anymore. I can’t drive. Who am I supposed to be now?”

He realized anew the enormity of what she’d been struggling with since the accident, and he was doubly ashamed of not just failing to provide support, but actually making her life harder since she’d come home with him. He’d not only been a shitty husband, but he’d been a worse friend. Maybe he didn’t feel like her husband, but he’d always tried to be Kara’s friend. 

He didn’t have much time to castigate himself; the doctor examined Kara briefly, asking most of the same questions, and directed her to dress and come to her office.

Kara sat on the exam table unmoving, her head hanging, and he wrapped his arms around her.

“What am I gonna do now? I’m useless,” she sniffed.

Gods, if she started crying, he didn’t know what he’d do. Talk about feeling useless… Finally, she pushed him away and hopped down to put her clothes back on. They walked down the hall to the office, Kara clinging to his hand.

“I know you’re not surprised by this, Kara, but we’ve been unable to determine a cause for your vertigo. We can’t fix it. How about the timing? Is it coming more or less frequently than before?”

“More. Seems worse in bright light. Can’t predict it at all. Had a really bad episode at the temple, nearly fell face first down the steps. Thank gods that dog was there.”

Lee flinched. He’d had no idea it was happening more often, not that he’d bothered asking. No wonder Kara thought he didn’t love her.

Kara spoke up again, her voice a monotone. “I know you’re going to have to ground me. I can’t -” She stopped.

Dr. Stark’s voice was gentler than the last time he’d been here. “You’re right. I’m grounding you. No flying. No driving. The other restrictions are still in place. The brain is such a mystery to us. I don’t want you to take any chances that might result in further damage. I’m going to schedule you once a quarter for the next year. 

We can run more tests, but I think it might be more useful for you to keep a log, and bring it every time. Write down anything, Kara. Day of week, time of day, weather, where you are - whether you’re indoors or outdoors, whether or not you get a headache with it, how badly it affects you, what you’ve been eating or drinking, how much sleep you’ve had, sexual activity. Anything that might help us get a handle on the underlying cause.”

She waited for Kara to nod. “If something changes for the better, I’ll be happy to look at your flight status again, but as it stands now…”

“I know. Thanks, Dr. Stark.” Kara started to stand, and Lee stood with her. 

Dr. Stark stepped over to shake his hand, and passed him a card. “I’m sorry this couldn’t be better news, Kara." She nodded at Lee. "Major.”

Lee and Kara both nodded, and they made their way to the check-out counter. Lee stood behind Kara as she paid and got the next appointment scheduled. He took the card out of his pocket. It was for a therapist. Fleet-connected. He hadn’t considered that. There was a lot going on in Kara’s head right now, and their fake marriage was the least of her worries, not that she knew it was fake. He followed her out to the street.

“We should go ahead and get the dog to the vet, Lee. Might as well find out today who he belongs to. There’s a vet farther down Graystoke, past the park. I could take him by myself on Friday, if you need to get back to work. It’s walking distance.”

Lee pulled Kara into his arms, hugging her tightly. “I don't have to go back to work today, Kara.”

She pulled her arms in front of her, leaning into him. “Then I need to get it over with, Lee. If it’s bad news, I need to just get it all today.”

“Let’s go get him, then.”


	9. Chapter 9

Kara paced at the vet’s office, frustrated with the paperwork and questions, answering sharply more than once. He squeezed her hand and moved to the counter to answer whatever questions he could himself.

The vet tech went over the dog thoroughly, making certain he suffered no lingering ill effects from living on the street. The big surprise, the first time Kara smiled all day, was when the information came back on the tattoo.

The database spit out the results almost immediately. “Niko. His name’s Niko. Looks like he was a service/companion dog for a woman suffering from PTSD. He’s T-2, which means his owner died more than a year ago. There’re some notes here. Let me pull them up.” 

He pushed a couple more keys and said, “He got out of custody somehow, and since the owner’s family lives off-planet, they signed him off to any rescue group that would take him if he was found. He wasn’t. Until now. You say you found him outside a temple? Which one?”

Kara gave the cross streets for the temple, and the tech said, “Huh. That’s all the way across town from where he lived. Wonder what made him go that far?” He shook his head. “Never mind. Well, since the family and the school signed off, and a rescue group would be working to get him adopted, I can just process an update to his record, Mrs. Adama.”

_Wait. What?_ Lee hadn’t heard her giving the receptionist her name. Adama. Gods. That made it seem much more real. He coughed to dislodge the emotion swelling his throat.

“What does that mean, an update to his record?”

“It means, Mrs. Adama, that you can keep Niko. The school would appreciate a donation to their training fund, but you can keep him. If you want him.”

Kara ruffled the dog’s ears. “You hear that, Niko? Niko Adama. How do you like that?” The dog whuffed and licked Kara’s nose, and she laughed.

The tech smiled at Lee. “I see this is good news.”

Lee nodded. “She’s gotten attached to him already. I was afraid she was going to have to give him up.”

The tech finished typing and updated the file then turned around. “Well, I love a good happy ending. You want to take care of shots and stuff today? Since he’s been on the street, I’d recommend it.”

Kara was still smiling. “Might as well get it over with.”

What a difference the context made in that phrase.

When it was all done, they walked out the front door and Kara turned and bounced on her toes and kissed him. “Let’s go home.”

_Yeah, Mrs. Adama. Let’s._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara had no idea how this dog had gotten under her skin so quickly, but he had. Niko. She smiled and scratched his head as they walked up the stairs. He looked up at her, and she could swear he was smiling, too.

She was hanging up the leash when she felt Lee behind her.

“Mrs. Adama?”

“Huh?”

“That’s what the vet called you, Kara. Mrs. Adama.”

She didn’t remember that. Still… She turned to him. “That’s who I am, isn’t it? Your wife. You have a problem with it?” She stuck out her chin, feeling like a scolded child.

“Gods! Of course not, Kara!” He stepped closer, his blue gaze open and earnest. His fingers lit on her cheek for a moment, then were gone again. “I liked it.”

Oh. Maybe the moment could be saved. “You did, huh?” She barely kept the smile from her lips.

“I did.”

She poked him gently in the ribs. “I thought it was archaic.”

“It is. Doesn’t change how it feels for me to hear it.” He stuck his tongue out. “I guess I’m a throwback.”

Kara’s stomach chose that moment to growl. Loudly. She put a hand over it, and Lee smiled. “You didn’t eat much lunch. What do you want for supper?”

“Specialty of the house.” She was feeling a little giddy. “And an ambrosia. Caveman.”

Lee raised his eyebrow at her, but nodded and went to grab a bottle. “I’ll change clothes. Get comfortable. We can eat in the living room.”

Kara got into sweats and a t-shirt and found a music station on the TV. It was one of the weird blank spots in her memory - she didn’t know what kind of shows Lee watched. Although now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d watched a TV show herself - just pyramid games. She sprawled on the couch and closed her eyes, one hand off the edge in Niko’s fur.

Lee served the plates and brought them into the living room. His soft, “Frak,” made her smile.

“I’m not asleep, Lee. Just listening to the music.” She opened her eyes and sat up, reaching for a plate.

“Good. This is one of your favorites.”

“I’m pretty sure anything I don’t have to cook is my favorite, Lee.”

He looked at his plate. She’d hurt his feelings. “Hey. It smells great. Let’s eat.”

Lee smiled and picked up his fork.

The food was great, and Kara enjoyed the conversation, but she didn’t want to push things too far. The day had started off badly, then taken a turn for the better, and Lee had been supportive through everything. She didn’t want to assume that meant something, only for him to withdraw again. It would hurt too much. 

She offered to do the dishes, and when she was done, she went to Lee’s office. “I’m done.” She waited for Lee to look up, then walked over. “Thanks for going with me today, Lee.”

“I’m glad you asked me, Kara.” He put a finger in the book, marking his place.

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Gonna go ahead and go to bed. Night.” She turned and left quickly.

~*~*~*~*~*~

At work the next day, Kara talked to her CO, letting him know she’d been grounded, probably permanently. 

He briefly discussed options with her. “You have plenty of leave, Kara, and there’s even less to do without the students here. Just take the month. Don’t come back to work. Get things worked out and let me know what you’re going to do going forward. You have a way with these kids - it’ll be hard to find someone else like you.”

Kara nodded, knowing he’d made the only decision he could. “Thank you, sir. I’ve got a lot to think about.” She saluted and left his office. 

She’d catch a cab, drop her stuff off at the apartment, take Niko for a walk. She should probably search out a career counselor, but first she wanted to talk to Dad. He always had good advice, and whatever she decided, it was going to change her life.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Why’d you get out, Dad? You know, when they retired _Galactica_?”

Bill looked up, his eyes far away for a moment. “It was time, Kara. I could have stayed in, moved to another battlestar as an XO, maybe gotten a planetside desk job, but it would probably have been without Saul.”

“I guess being an XO after commanding a battlestar would have been a big letdown.”

“You’ve talked to the doctor, I take it?”

Kara nodded. “I don’t know what to do now. I’m not just grounded. I can’t drive. I hate to muster out, but if I stay in, they could send me anywhere, and I’d be…”

“Alone.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Alone. I might not even be able to take Niko.” He looked up when she said his name, and she rubbed his head.

“Or Lee,” he added.

Kara didn’t say anything. She really wasn’t sure where she and Lee stood. One good day didn’t mean much balanced against all the bad days.

“If you get out, what will you do?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I mean, you had a lot of years in. You could retire, no problem. Travel, pick up some new hobbies, run for President.”

Bill laughed. “No thanks, Kara. I’ll leave that to younger, sneakier people.”

“I’m not that old. Don’t even have quite fifteen years in.”

“Shouldn’t you be talking about some of this with Lee? He may have some suggestions for you, Kara.”

“Dad…”

“Things still aren’t good.”

“I don’t know what they are. He’s been coming home for dinner every night, at least. Since I, um,” Kara ducked her head, “moved to the guest bedroom.”

“I’m sorry you felt you had to do that, Kara.”

“Me, too. I wish…I wish I knew how Lee felt about me.”

“Then ask him, Kara. He’s the only one who can tell you.”

Kara punched him lightly in the arm. “Trying to solve my problems with logic. What the hell kind of help are you?”

“The only kind of help you got. Me, and Saul, and Laura. And whatever resources Fleet has for you. You should use them, Kara. Make an appointment, and take Lee with you. They’ll need to talk to both of you, make suggestions that will work not just for you, but for you and Lee as a family.”

“Is that what you did?”

Bill nodded. “Took some leave, made an appointment. Took Saul with me. Made it clear whatever choice I made needed to work for both of us. We’d met Laura, at the decommissioning, but we were just friends at first.”

“What am I going to do about getting around? I can’t walk _every_ where. Cabs get expensive. I’ll have to up my spending allowance a lot if I’m going to keep doing that.”

“We’ll figure it out, Kara. For now, if Lee’s not available, just let us know a couple of days in advance, and we’ll work it out so we can get you where you need to go. And the train’s an option. Your apartment is near a train station.”

“Good point. The park’s in the other direction, but I remember seeing the station once when Helo brought me home.”

“How is Agathon, Kara?”

“He’s good. Still charming the pants off the ladies. He’s been great - taking me to work, making sure I get out of the apartment and out of my head.”

“He’s always been a good friend to you, Kara.”

“Yeah,” she said, reflecting. “He has.”

“While you’re here - we’re going to have dinner here next Friday. We’d like you and Lee to come.”

“I’ll ask Lee. What time?”

“How about 1830?

“Okay. Lee’s usually home by then, at least lately.”

“So, you’re going to talk to Lee and make an appointment to talk to Fleet about your options, right?”

“Yes, Dad,” she sighed. “Anybody ever tell you you’re pushy?”

Bill smiled at her. “At least once a week.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“I’m going to walk Niko, Lee. You want to come with us?”

Lee put a finger in his book and looked up. She’d been quiet the last few days, since she’d talked to her CO, and he’d been feeling off balance, unsure whether she wanted him to approach or not. 

“Yeah. I need a break anyway.”

They walked toward the park with Niko between them.

“Is there a day of the week it’s better for you to take off, Lee? My CO says I need to see a Fleet career counselor, and your dad’s pushing it, too. He says we need to go together, make a decision that works for both of us.”

“I have a staff meeting on Mondays I can’t get out of. Other than that, just tell me when.” They’d gotten to the park, and he watched Kara let Niko off the leash. “Whatever you decide will be fine with me, Kara. You know that.”

Kara stood there, biting her lip, and he waited.

“I don’t really know that, Lee. I don’t know anything. I don’t know if we’re going to be together in six months. I don’t know if you’d miss me if I was gone. I don’t know if you love me.”

“Yes.” That much was clear in his head.

“Yes to what?”

He picked up one of her hands and pulled her closer. At this distance, hopefully she couldn’t mistake his sincerity. “Yes, I want us to be together in six months. In six years. In sixty years. Yes, I’d miss you if you were gone. Desperately. Yes, I love you.”

“Then what’s wrong with us, Lee?” Niko trotted back and Kara knelt to reattach the leash. “Why are we sleeping in separate rooms? If you can say it, why can’t you show me?”

Lee ran his hand through his hair. _Guess this is the night for honesty._ “I don’t know how, Kara.”

“Why not? Saul says I’m different than I was before the accident. Am I really so different you can’t even show me simple affection?” Her voice had risen, and Niko was at attention at her knee, tail still. “Were we like this before?”

Gods. He was so tired of this pretense. “You are different, but not in a bad way. You seem happier, most of the time. Or did until you came home.” He deliberately avoided the other part of her question.

“If I want this, and you want this, I don’t understand what’s holding you back.” She turned them back toward the apartment, then stopped suddenly. “Do you think I don’t really love you just because I don’t remember everything?”

Lee stopped, too. She was much too close to the truth. But… “I -” He didn’t get to say anything else. 

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of, Leland Joseph Adama!” She stomped in the direction of home, Niko padding by her side.

Lee hurried after her, nearly running into her back when she stopped again.

“How did you ask me out the first time?”

“I challenged you in the sims. If I won, you had to go out on a date with me - a real date.”

“And you won. I find that hard to believe, Lee. We both know who’s the better pilot.”

“Well, if you won, we’d skip all that and go straight to the nearest empty classroom, so I’ve always thought maybe you lost on purpose, that you wanted a date.” 

Gods, was he insane? He’d spent entirely too much time thinking about this over the last ten years not to have an answer ready, but did it have to be so detailed? It was like a whole other life inside his head.

“Maybe I did.” She started walking again. “I can’t get in the sims any time I want anymore, so you’ll have to come up with a new plan, Lee.”

Niko gave him a raised eyebrow, and he wondered if the dog understood more than he did. “What?! A new plan for what, Kara?”

“You’re going to ask me out again. And I’m just warning you that I think it’s dumb, and I’d frak you right now behind a tree if you’d let me, but I’m going to humor you and your weird brain, which you must have gotten from your mother, I swear to the gods.”

And she kept walking, while Lee stood there staring after her, wondering what the hells had just happened. Then she stopped, Niko pressed in, Kara reached out, and Lee’d never moved so fast in his life. 

“Kara?”

“M’okay,” she muttered.

“No, you’re not. Vertigo. Anything else?”

She shook her head, then moaned. “Gods. That was stupid.” She put a hand up to her eyes. “I need to go home.” She tried to step away from him. “Ohhh. It’s getting worse, Lee. Why is it getting worse?”

Lee didn’t answer her. He scooped her up and started walking, calling “Keep up, Niko!” over his shoulder. The leash pulled on Kara’s wrist, and Lee stopped long enough to yank it off and tuck it into his belt. That’d have to be good enough.


	10. Chapter 10

Kara didn’t complain about the bumpy ride, but her face was white by the time he got to their complex, and he cursed the lack of an elevator in the building. Kara wriggled, trying to get down. 

“I’ve got you, Kara.”

“I can walk. I don’t want you to fall. Then we’d both be hurt.”

He teased, “You doubt me? The great Apollo?”

She smiled a little and weakly smacked his chest. “Frakker. Just get me upstairs. I think it’s settling.”

He set her down in front of their door to dig out his keys, then picked her up again.

“Lee! Put me down.”

“Nope.” He stubbornly bypassed the guest room and laid her on their bed. “Don’t even think about getting up. I’m going to get you some water.” He heard Kara grumble behind him, but she was still on the bed when he got back. “You want some pain meds?”

She shook her head once, slowly. “Doesn’t hurt. Just a little dizzy still.”

Lee held up a finger and left the room, intending to dig through her dresser for something for her to sleep in. No way was she sleeping alone tonight. He thought Niko would warn him, but it might not be in time, and he refused to ask himself _in time for what?_

“Do you need help changing clothes?”

Her smile was short-lived. “I can do it. But maybe you could stay here, just in case?”

He nodded and walked around to the other side of the bed to pull the covers down. He watched as she stripped out of her street clothes, exchanging them for the shorts and t-shirt he’d brought her. Once she was finished, she sat there unmoving. 

He walked back around to her. “Kara? What’s wrong?”

“Am I sleeping in here tonight?”

He put a finger under her chin and raised it. “I know Niko will take care of you if you sleep in the other room, but I - I’ve never seen you have one of these episodes, Kara. It scared me. I’ll feel better if you sleep in here tonight.”

She nodded. “He needs to be fed.”

“I’ll take care of it. I need to take his leash off anyway. Just settle in. Relax. Do you need a book or something?”

“I’m kinda tired. I’ll just lie here.” She sat back, pulling her legs up and tucking them under the sheet.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, Lee.” 

He took care of the dog, spending a few extra minutes with him, telling Niko he appreciated what he did for Kara. The dog watched his face, and didn’t eat until Lee was done talking. 

“I’ll put your bed in our room, okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer, feeling ridiculous saying it out loud. But he detoured back to Kara’s room to pick up the dog bed and put it on Kara’s side of the bed. She was already asleep.

He looked his fill, noticing new lines in her face, shadows under her eyes. He reminded himself that while the accident could be blamed for some of the changes, his attitude was responsible for the rest. He wondered if Kara’s idea would work, then remembered that Saul had said pretty much the same thing. _If you can’t figure out how to love her from where you are, start all over again. Take her on a date._

Acting on that advice, he’d made her breakfast the next day, combed her hair out, taken her to dinner. She’d joked about frakking on a first date. It had been a good day until she’d gone to her room alone. Next time she kissed him goodnight, he needed to pull her into his lap, kiss her back, make his feelings clear.

He climbed into his side of the bed and reached to turn off the light. As he settled in, Kara rolled toward him and flung an arm and a leg over his body. Asleep, she had no problem telling him what she wanted.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Gods. She felt so good this morning! She stretched, realized she’d spread out in her sleep, was practically on top of Lee. She could feel him, hard under her thigh, and for a moment, she wondered what would happen if she took advantage of that - touched him with her hand, or slipped off her shorts. 

She ached to be close to him again, but she was pretty sure whatever progress they’d made would be gone if she tried it - she remembered that first horrible time after she’d gotten out of the hospital. She settled for lying there breathing him in, feeling his muscles flex even in his sleep, watching his face, unguarded in slumber. 

Lords, she loved him. She turned her head to the side, listening to his heart beating under her ear.

“You feel good, Kara.” His voice was rough with sleep, and the raspy way he said her name shivered across her skin.

“So do you.”

When he grasped her arms, she prepared herself to be thrust away, but he pulled her up instead, and she turned her face to his in surprise. He lifted his mouth up to kiss her; she kissed him back carefully, completely unsure what this meant. Was he still sleepy, and forgot that he didn’t want her?

Then his tongue was in her mouth, his hand on her hip, pushing her thigh down onto his cock, and she groaned. _Lee._ She’d missed this so much - not just the sex, but the cuddling, the lazy exploration, the closeness. She pulled herself back.

“Where are we going with this, Lee?” She hated asking the question, but she couldn’t handle another unpleasant detour.

“I don’t know, Kara. It feels good waking up to you. I’ve missed it since you moved to the other room. I don’t sleep as well.”

She sat up, straddling him. “Me, neither.” It was too early in the morning for a serious conversation, though, so she leaned forward, kissing him lightly, digging her fingers into the pillow, then sat up, snatching the pillow out from under him. Lee’s head thunked to the mattress, his mouth open in shock.

“Kara. What -”

She tightened her thighs around him to keep her balance, and smacked the pillow into his face. Pulled back and did it again. Lee laughed and picked up another pillow, and they went after each other like children until Niko barked.

They both froze, Lee’s face expressing the laughter and astonishment she was feeling. 

“Niko!” Kara said. “I didn’t know you could talk!”

He whuffed in answer.

“Are you trying to tell me you need to go out?”

Whuff.

She looked down at Lee, still with a big smile on his face, and shrugged. “Duty calls. Guess we’ll have to finish the pillow fight later.”

“I can do it,” Lee offered.

Kara ground into him just the slightest bit. “I think you would scandalize the neighbors if you went out like this, Lee.” She leaned down and pecked his lips. “You make the coffee.”

“Coffee it is. You want breakfast?”

She leered as she climbed off him. “It’s not what I want, but it’ll do.” 

Lee rolled his eyes, and she slid to the edge of the bed.

When she got back inside, the smell of good coffee was permeating the apartment. Lee was standing there, maybe watching the coffee brew, and she knelt to love on Niko while she kept an eye on Lee’s ass. It really was spectacular. 

She stood, pointing Niko toward his water bowl, and walked into the kitchen. “Got any of that ready yet, Lee?”

He turned his head, and she propped her chin on his shoulder, her right hand hanging on his waistband. She was so tempted to grab his ass. When he didn’t answer, she asked again, “Coffee, Lee?”

The tips of his ears turned red. “Not quite ready yet. What do you want for breakfast?”

Kara snickered. “That a trick question?” Without waiting for him to respond, she added, “Anything, as long as you include bacon.”

Reaching into the refrigerator, he said, “I can do that.”

“I’ll go shower, then.” She gave in to the urge and smacked his ass as she walked away.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara's leg kept jiggling, and she couldn’t keep still. Was it because she’d had her first appointment with the career counselor this week? Because things with Lee were still off? She couldn’t pinpoint what had her unsettled, but she kept losing the thread of conversation at dinner, and Dad had nudged her under the table more than once.

Saul came back with a bottle of wine and a bottle of sparkly water for her. He poured all the drinks, made sure everyone had a glass, and raised his. “To Laura.”

Kara raised her glass, too, echoing, “To Laura,” then asked, “What are we celebrating?”

Dad and Saul and Laura all exchanged lingering glances, and Laura answered, “I got my all-clear from the doctor a couple of weeks ago, and we were waiting on labs to confirm everything. I’m officially cancer-free. Two years.”

Kara’s stomach rolled. “That’s great.” She put her glass down. “I’ll be right back.” 

She headed for the bathroom, splashed water on her face, and stared at herself in the mirror. “What the hell is wrong with you? This is happy news.” 

Still, her stomach wouldn’t settle and she was getting a headache. She needed out of here. 

She opened the bathroom door enough to listen to the conversation in the dining room. If she was careful, she could get to the front door without anyone noticing. Her stomach somersaulted again, and she held a hand over it as she tip-toed to the door. She managed to get out and down the walk and past the streetlight before she slowed down.

She frantically dug her phone out of her pocket and dialed Helo. “Can you come get me? Please? I…I need…I need you to come get me.” 

She refused to answer his questions, just told him where she was, that she was walking to the convenience store, and gave him the cross streets. He’d barely stopped when she opened the door and threw herself in. 

“Take me home, Helo. To your place.”

Karl gave her a funny look, but seemed to sense her urgency. She held herself together until they were inside. She was overtaken by shivers and trembling and tightness in her chest, and she could see Karl was panicking, so she made an effort to calm down. 

“It’s stress, Karl. That’s all. A panic attack.” She threw herself at him and curled into a little ball on his lap. “Just hold me, please.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lee kept looking toward the hall, listening for the door to the head, wondering what was keeping Kara. She’d been gone about fifteen minutes when Niko popped up at Lee’s knee and pushed out from under the table to go to the door. He scratched at it, and Lee excused himself. 

“Sorry. He must need to go out.” He clipped the leash on and opened the door. Niko was pulling at it, hard. “Hey! Calm down, Niko. Just do your business, and let’s go back inside. I need to check on Kara.”

Niko continued pulling, then sat at the far reach of the leash, staring down the road.

“If you’re not going to go, we’re going back inside.”

Niko whined at him, then turned to go back inside, turning his head toward the street corner every few steps. When they got back inside, Lee headed for the bathroom and knocked. 

“Kara? You okay?” No answer. He tried the handle, and when he opened the door, the head was dark. He flipped the light on to an empty room.

He went down the hall, checking his dad’s bedroom and the office. She wasn’t in either room. He strode back to the dining room, fear nudging at the edges of his mind. He walked into the dining room. 

“Did Kara come back -” Bill, Saul, and Laura all three shook their heads. “Frak. She’s gone, then. Why would she leave in the middle of dinner? Where the frak would she go?”

His dad cleared his throat, and Lee thought he heard him say, “Shit.”

“What, Dad?”

“I’d forgotten about her mother. It’s been years, and tonight was happy news, but I guess I should have considered how this might -”

“What about her mother? What’s wrong with Kara, Dad?”

His dad looked down the table at Saul. “Son, Kara’s mother died of cancer. Kara found out weeks before her mother died. It was fast and painful, and her mother pushed her away, wouldn’t let her visit.”

Laura said, “So she never got to say good-bye. Oh, Kara.” 

“Dad, she doesn’t remember her mother. Why would - _how_ would - this upset her?”

“I don’t know, Lee. Maybe this triggered a memory for her. If it did, it would be a hard one. Socrata was…unpleasant at best.” 

Laura reached out a hand to Bill, then straightened. “Okay. If she left, where would she go? Any ideas?” She looked at each of them in turn. Saul shook his head. 

Bill was beating a finger on the edge of the table, and when Lee said, “The only person I’ve heard her talk about is Helo,” his dad raised that finger at him.

“Yes. I’ll be right back. I think I have his number.”

Lee paced back and forth until his dad came back waving a sticky note. Lee got his phone out of his jacket and dialed the number.

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Karl had never seen Kara so upset. She’d been babbling and shaking and not making any sense. But she kept talking about Lee and a husband before she passed out. Had Lee gotten married? He knew Kara hadn’t.

He dug into her pocket for her phone, and for a moment, was stymied by the lock code. He tried the date they’d met in Basic. No joy. The date they’d frakked for the first time, which was etched in his memory, because he’d been mad he didn’t have phone privileges to call his sister for her birthday. No go. 

Kara’s birthday. Three down. Frak! Wait. Academy graduation. He punched in the numbers. Bingo! 

He scrolled through her contacts for Lee, and right as he was getting ready to press call on Kara’s phone, his phone chimed, and the same number popped up.

He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “Hello?”

“Karl? Helo?” 

“Yeah?”

“It’s Lee. Lee Adama. Have you seen Kara?”

“She’s here. She’s passed o -”

Lee cut in, “Where are you? I’ll come get her.”

“She’s fine for now, Lee. She’s already asleep. I can drop her off tomorrow.”

Lee sighed. “I’d rather she was home - I don’t want her to panic if she wakes up somewhere else. Shit.” There was a moment of silence, then Lee asked, “Can I at least bring her dog? He’s going crazy here.”

“Kara has a dog?” Karl realized his voice had gotten too loud, and lowered it again. “When did she get a dog?”

“It’s kind of a crazy story, Karl. Can I bring him? As long as you can put some water out, he’ll be fine until Kara comes home.”

That was the second time Lee had said ‘home’ like Kara lived with him, but Karl pocketed the information for now. If Lee was coming over, he’d ask then, when the guy couldn’t evade his questions. Whatever was going on, Kara wasn’t okay, and he wanted to know why.

“You got something to write on?”

“I’m ready.”

Karl gave Lee the address and pressed end. He very carefully stood up, taking Kara to his room to put her on the bed. He pulled a blanket up over her shoulders and went to wait by the door. When Lee knocked, he opened the door, a finger over his mouth.

Lee didn’t greet him at first, just undid the leash and said, “Go, Niko.” The dog trotted down the hall like he’d been here a million times.

It wasn’t the most important question, but he asked, “What’s with the dog?”

“Kara told you she had an accident? That she was in the hospital?” Karl nodded. “It did something to her brain, and she has these episodes of dizziness.” 

Lee wiped his hand through his hair. “Well, her doctor says it’s not dizziness, but vertigo, but whatever…I saw her have one about a week ago, and…Anyway, the dog came up to her at temple one Saturday, saved her from falling down the steps, insisted on coming home with her. He’s a trained companion animal, apparently.”

He had to ask. “Since when does Kara live with you?”

“Since she came home from the hospital.” Lee looked embarrassed. “Look, Karl. When Kara regained consciousness in the hospital, she told them we were married. She believes it. None of us knew how to tell her any different, so we -”

“Tricked her.” His hands tightened into fists.

“Gods, no, Karl! Frak. No. I wanted to tell her the truth, but everybody decided it was better this way.”

“Her doctor, too?”

“We didn’t tell her, either. Look. We were all scared at the hospital. We weren’t sure how far her memory gaps went.”

“What doesn’t she remember, Lee?”

“Zak. And her mother.”

“What set her off tonight?”

“Dad and Saul wanted to celebrate. Laura - their girlfriend - has been cancer-free for two years now.”

“I thought she didn’t remember her mother?”

“She doesn’t.”

Karl swore. “It messed her up, Lee. She didn’t handle her mother’s death well at all. When she called me tonight, and after I picked her up, she wasn’t even making any sense, just babbling. At least the husband thing makes sense now. When are you planning to tell her the truth?”

“We’re not.”

“Seriously? Do you all hope she just never figures it out? What about pay statements or bank records? Phone calls from friends who aren’t in the frakking loop, Lee?!” He was in Lee’s space now, and Lee backed up, hands at shoulder height.

“Dad told me he takes care of her money, has since he retired. She apparently told him she wanted an allowance, and for him to take care of everything else. She was off-planet a lot then, anyway.”

“And me? Why the frak - this sucks. Kara trusts me. You can’t expect me not to tell her.”

Lee nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Every time anybody tried, she got a headache, an attack of vertigo. She gets worse whenever we push it. How are we supposed to tell her?”

“So all this time, you’ve just been frakking her as if you were married, stringing her along. What the frak is wrong with you?”

“I haven’t been frakking her. It’s been a…problem for us. Gods know I want to.” Lee paced for a minute. “Look, can I at least check on her? Make sure Niko’s going to be okay?”

Lee looked so worried, Karl relented, pointing down the hall. Lee disappeared. What a frakkin’ mess. After ten minutes, he went toward his bedroom, stopping when he could see into the room. Lee was holding one of Kara’s hands, stroking her hair away from her face. He stood and bent to kiss Kara’s forehead. Karl went back to the living room to wait.

Lee came out, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m - I’m really glad she has someplace safe to go. Thank you for taking care of her.”

Karl nodded. “I’m her friend. That’s what friends do. Look. I won’t tell her for now, but you guys need to come up with a plan. If she asks me for details of her life, I’m not lying to her. I’ve never lied to her about anything.”

“You’re right. Her doctor gave me a card for a therapist. I should have done something before now. She’s got a lot of stressors right now, so she needs to see a counselor anyway. I really…haven’t been as good a friend as I should have been during all this.”

“If Kara needs something, you can count on me, you know. She’s special. She’s been a really great friend to me, Lee, so don’t frak this up, or I’ll have to beat you to a pulp.”

Lee’s smile was weak. “I’ll do my best.” 

“How long are you going to pretend to be married to her? What happens when you find somebody and fall in love?”

“It’s not going to happen.”

“How can you be sure, Lee? You’re young. Older than us, but still young.”

Lee straightened and looked him in the eyes. “I can be sure because I’ve been in love with Kara Thrace for the better part of ten years, Karl.”

“Huh. I would never have guessed. Never playing triad with you again.”

Lee laughed softly. “Thanks for taking care of her tonight. If anything happens, call me. I’ll keep my phone on.”

He stuck his hand out and Karl took it. 

“I’ll try to text when we’re on the way.”

“I’ll be ready.” Lee turned for the door, and opened it, looking back down the hall momentarily, then he looked at his feet and pulled the door shut behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

Kara had limbs everywhere; she’d always been a bed hog. Karl groaned when she started waking up. Her hair was in his face, and the scent of it thrust him back to the Academy, when, for a while, they’d woken up together more often than not. Even asleep, she ground more insistently, and he finally grabbed her leg and said, “Kara. Stop.”

Kara tensed, then shot up in the bed, looking at him in utter confusion, and if he wasn’t much mistaken, a little bit of horror. “Helo? What the frak am I doing here?”

At the sound of her voice, Niko stood at the side of the bed, whuffed once, and Kara turned to look at him, then turned back to Karl. “What the frak is going on?” She put her hands up to the sides of her head, closed her eyes tight, and opened them again. Her mouth drooped. “Was it all a dream?”

“What Kara?”

“The hospital. Lee. No - Niko’s here. Unless…Karl, what is going on?” Her voice had risen as she spoke, and he sat up in bed facing her.

“You were at dinner at the Old Man’s, flipped out, and called me from a convenience store. I brought you back here, you passed out, Lee brought your dog.”

“Lee? He was here? Why did he leave me here? Did I do something wrong? Did he kick me out?”

Gods, she sounded so confused. Confused and scared. He took her chin in his hand. “Hey. Kara. Take a deep breath. Take five. Everything is okay, so just -” He ruffled his hair. “- calm down.”

She curled her hands into fists and took a few breaths, nodded for him to go ahead.

“You were at dinner at the Old Man’s.”

She shook her head. “That’s not until Friday.”

“It was last night, Kara. Today’s Saturday.”

Her face crumpled, and he thought for a minute she would cry, then she took another deep breath and said, “Okay. I’m listening.”

“You were at dinner with the Old Man and his girlfriend.”

Kara nodded. “Laura. I like her. It’s all three of them, actually. Dad and Saul and Laura.”

_Dad?_ “It was a celebration dinner. And when they told you what they were celebrating, you apparently left without telling anyone. Called me.” He waited to see if any of this connected for her.

“Why in all the worlds would I do that? What were we celebrating?”

Karl reached out to take her hand, and she squeezed tight, as if she knew it was going to be bad. “Laura had cancer. She’s in remission.”

“Cancer? She told me she had pneumonia last year. She never said anything about cancer, Karl. And why wouldn’t this be good news?”

“What do you remember about your mother, Kara?”

She squinted her eyes, searching her memory banks. “Blonde. Sergeant-Major. Dead. At least I assume she is. I know she’s not in my life. Why?”

“She died of cancer, Kara. Not long after we graduated from Basic. You went home in your uniform, hoping she’d be proud of you, and found the letter from the hospital. She threw you out, told you to stay away from her.”

Kara shook her head. “I don’t remember any of this. It still doesn’t explain why I got upset about Laura’s recovery.”

“Doesn’t it? Something in your brain must have connected the two, even though you don’t consciously remember, and I don’t know, maybe it overloaded you. You were pretty bad off when I picked you up, not really making sense.”

Kara dropped his hand and hopped off the bed. “I need to walk Niko. You got anything he can eat?”

“Kara?” The sudden subject change made him wary.

“I just need - this doesn’t make any sense to me. You want to walk with us? I need to process for a few minutes.”

Niko had been sitting patiently at the side of the bed the entire time they’d been talking, and Kara patted his head. “Just a minute, okay? I gotta pee.” She disappeared into the head, and came out a minute later, shaking her hands dry. “Did Lee leave his leash?”

“It’s by the front door.”

“You coming?”

He stood and pulled on his jeans, tucking his wallet, phone, and keys into his pockets. “Let’s go.”

About ten minutes later, they’d walked around his complex nearly twice, and Kara finally said something. “Do you know where my mother is?”

He nodded. “Went with you once. At least, I took you there. You wanted to see the grave by yourself.”

“Why didn’t Lee take me home? Is he mad because of…”

“No, Kara. I told him to leave you. Said I’d take you home this morning.”

“I guess I should go see my mother. See if it makes me remember anything.”

They were approaching the corridor to his apartment. “Kara?”

She tilted her head, squinting up at him. “Yeah?”

“I think you should talk to your doctor. If you don’t remember last night, she needs to know that. And you should talk to somebody.”

“Somebody?”

“A counselor. Therapist. Somebody who can help you adjust to the changes in your life.”

“Maybe.”

He knew that was all the agreement he’d get today, and he’d been lucky she hadn’t exploded on him.

“I gotta feed him, Karl. Can you take me home now? He can eat, and I can shower, and maybe you can take me to see my mom?”

He pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. “I can do that.” Before he pulled out of the parking lot, he texted Lee. _On our way._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lee was pacing when Kara walked in the door, Karl Agathon right behind her. She went to the kitchen to feed Niko, then straight down the hall to the shower, and the quiet click of the door echoed in his ears. 

He turned to Agathon. “She okay?”

“Yeah. But she needs help, Lee.”

“What do you mean? What kind of help?”

“She doesn’t remember last night. To her, it didn’t happen. You guys need to talk to her doctor, because the doctor needs to know this.”

“I know. I found the card for the counselor last night after I got home.” He gestured toward the kitchen table. “I’ll call her doctor first thing on Monday, and help her get set up with the counselor.”

Karl nodded at him. “She wants me to take her to the cemetery to see her mother.”

I thought she didn’t remember her?”

“She doesn’t, but when I told her what I thought happened last night, she asked me if I would take her there.”

“I can take her. You don’t have to do it.”

“Lee, first, I’m her friend. I’m okay with taking her to see her mother. Second, I don’t think you going’s a good idea.”

“Why the frak not?”

Karl held up his hands. “I just think it’d be too much tension, Lee. She may have questions about her mother, and I can answer those. She feels safe with me. There’s no underlying whatever the frak it is between the two of you that’s making her so unhappy.” He hesitated, wondering if he should mention it. “You know one of the first things she asked me this morning, Lee?”

Lee shook his head.

“She asked me why you hadn’t taken her home - if you had kicked her out because she’d done something wrong.”

“I would never do that!”

“Yeah, well, she doesn’t know that, does she? She thinks there’s something wrong between you, and because she’s Kara, she thinks it’s her fault.”

Lee frowned, absorbing that information.

Kara burst out of the bathroom, hair in dripping strings around her face. “A couple more minutes, Helo. I just gotta put some clothes on.”

Karl waved her off. “It’s fine, Kara.”

Kara disappeared into the spare room, and Lee lowered his voice. “I don’t know how to tell her.”

Karl shrugged at him. “Can’t help you. Maybe you should talk to the counselor about how to approach the subject.”

When Kara came out, hair still wet, Lee asked, “You want me to get the the knots out, Kara?”

She shook her head. “It’ll be easier later when my hair’s dry.”

She moved toward the door, and Lee reached out, pulling her into a hug. She stood there, stiff and unyielding, and he finally let her go. She walked away without looking at him again. “Come on, Niko.” The dog trotted after her, then waited for her to clip the leash on.

Lee watched the door close behind them, worry coiling in his gut.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara was scared, and she didn’t know why, or if she should be. “Can you - can you come with me this time?”

Karl pulled his keys out of the ignition and shoved them in his pocket. “Of course, Kara.”

He came around to her side of the car, and she let Niko out, closing both doors. She turned, not knowing which way to go, and Karl pointed. She grabbed his hand, feeling like an idiot for being afraid to visit a dead woman’s grave. Karl squeezed her hand and let go, putting that arm around her shoulders.

“It’s this way.”

They wandered along the paths between the graves, Niko sniffing at everything, and Kara becoming more and more tense. She felt brittle, like a piece of shattering glass, by the time they arrived at the small pavestone. She stepped forward, and Karl stood behind her.

She read _Socrata Thrace_ , followed by her dates of birth and death. Nothing else. “Why is that all there is? No rank, no mention of family, nothing?”

“It’s what her death benefits paid for, I guess. You didn’t even know she’d died for a couple of weeks. They’d put her stuff into storage in case someone claimed it, but you told me she hadn’t left anything to indicate next of kin. You were so angry, Kara.”

She stood there, not knowing what to say or do. “I don’t remember her.”

Karl’s arms surrounded her and she relaxed back into his embrace. She felt him take a deep breath, and he said, “You’re probably better off. I don’t remember a single thing you ever told me that was positive.”

Kara didn’t realize she was crying until Karl turned her around and hugged her tight, and she felt the wetness on his t-shirt. He rubbed her back, letting her cry. She looked to the side to see Niko sitting at attention, watching the area as if he were on sentry duty, and she laughed a little.

Karl put his hands on her face and forced her chin up. “You okay now?”

She nodded and put her head on his chest again. “I guess. I thought it would help me remember, that maybe remembering her would help me remember me and Lee, and I just don’t feel anything. What if I never remember, Karl? What if I never know what’s wrong with me and Lee?” 

He didn’t answer her.

After a few minutes, she stood back. “I guess I should apologize to Dad and Saul and Laura.” She sighed. “Can you take me home now?”

“Sure. Come on.”

She put Niko in the car and stared silently out the window until he pulled up on the street in front of Lee’s apartment.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Karl. You’re a really good friend, you know that?”

He kissed the top of her head. “Get out of here.”

She closed the doors and walked into the building smiling. At least there was one relationship she didn’t have to try to figure out.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When she got home, Lee heard her fill Niko’s water bowl before going to her room. He waited a few minutes to see whether she’d stay in there or come back out. Niko padded down the hall, stopped for a minute in front of his office door, then continued to Kara’s room. Lee got up and followed. Kara was stretched out on the bed face down, hair tangled up in her fingers like she’d been pulling at it.

He sat down and rubbed his hand over her back. He didn’t know what else to do. “Your visit didn’t go well, Kara?”

She shook her head.

“I’m sorry.” He kept his hand moving.

“I didn’t remember anything. I didn’t feel anything. It was just a grave.” She turned abruptly, and he could see she’d been crying. “I don’t understand why this happened, Lee.”

“What?”

She waved her hand, pointing to her chest. “This. My brain. My memories. I don’t remember my mother, who was apparently not a very nice person, so I guess I can kind of understand that. Repressing bad memories or something. But you and me? I don’t get it. If we were happy, what is it I don’t want to remember?”

Lee hung his head, not wanting her to see anything in his eyes. “I can’t answer that.”

She sat up and narrowed her eyes at him. Frak. If she pushed, he didn’t know how long he could hold out. Not to mention he still wasn’t sure not telling her was the right thing to do.

“Can’t. As in you don’t know what was going on in my head?” When he didn’t say anything. “Or can’t, as in you think you know, but don’t want to say?” She waited, and Lee refused to look at her.

After a few minutes of increasingly uncomfortable silence, she slid her legs off the edge of the bed to sit next to him. “I think it’s time for me to talk to someone about all this, Lee. And I need to see the doctor again, let her know about the memory stuff. It might be important.”

He nodded. “I think so, too. I don’t know how to help you, what’s the best thing to do for you.”

“Do you want to go with me, or is this something I need to do on my own?”

“I want you happy. If you want me there, I’ll be there. If you want to try to do it yourself, I’ll stay out of it.” He sucked in a deep breath, then added, “And if you want someone else instead of me, like Dad or Saul, or even Agathon, I’m sure any of them would go. Maybe even Laura.”

She put her hand on his thigh. “I’ll think about it.”

He squeezed her hand. “You want me to get the knots out now?”

Her hands immediately carded through the tangles. “Ugh. Yeah. I guess so.”

“Be right back.”

When he came back, she settled between his knees, and for a few minutes, there was nothing but her _hmm_ s as he worked the knots out of her hair. He wished it could always be this way. Peaceful. Then again, he was in love with Kara, and peaceful wasn’t a word generally used to describe her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey, Dad. Is Laura around?” She patted Niko’s head as she filled his bowl. “Good boy.”

“Just a minute, Kara.”

She listened to some rattling and crackling, then Dad yelled, “Honey! It’s Kara!” He put the phone back to his ear, and said, “You doing okay this morning?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Bored.”

“I hear ya. The first few months after I retired, Saul wanted to shoot me at least twice a day. It’s hard to be inactive when we’re used to the regimented life of the military. Here’s Laura.”

She said, “Thanks, Dad,” but Laura had already picked up the phone.

“Kara?”

“Hi. Um, do you have a few minutes? I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Laura laughed at something, probably Dad or Saul, and said, “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something, too. How about if we go to lunch? Just us girls. I can come pick you up. About an hour?”

“I’ll be ready.”

Kara told Lee she was leaving and waited downstairs for Laura, Niko sitting patiently at her side. When Laura pulled up, Kara put Niko in the back seat and climbed in.

“Where do you want to go?”

Kara shrugged. “Someplace quiet? Maybe a patio?”

Laura nodded and checked the street before pulling into traffic. “I know just the place.”

They were both silent as Laura drove, and when they arrived at the little diner, they walked in the door without speaking. Once they were settled on the patio and the waiter had taken their drink orders, Kara bit her lip and blurted out, “I wanted to apologize!”

“Whatever for, Kara?”

She looked down at the table, played with the checked tablecloth draping her lap. “For what I did the other night.”

“Bill explained what happened, and I understand perfectly, Kara.”

“You do? ‘Cause I don’t.”

“When I first found out my mother had cancer, I went on a - well, a binge, I guess. I started hanging out in the bad clubs, picking up the meanest guys in the place. Took me a couple of weeks, but I realized none of that was going to cure my mother or give me any extra time with her.”

Kara was nodding, but she didn’t really get the connection. She glanced up as the waiter dropped off their drinks, and they both ordered food.

Laura picked up the conversation as soon as the waiter turned away. “You don’t remember your mother, right?”

“No.”

“Chances are very good those memories are still in there somewhere, Kara, just not accessible right now, so hearing that I’d had cancer let some of the emotion of that time in your life bubble up, even as the memory itself stayed hidden.” She flapped her napkin and settled it in her lap. “You were scared, and you ran. And I don’t blame you a bit, because it’s what I did.”

“Oh. You think it’s that easy?”

“Simple, but not easy. I want to tell you something, though, Kara. I have a clean bill of health right now. I plan to see the doctor as often as possible, and I’m taking care of myself. I have a phenomenal aide at work - you’ve met Billy?”

Kara nodded. “Oh, yeah.”

“He’s even more protective than the boys are. And since I’m getting married,” she flashed a grin at Kara, “I’ll have help at home. I will be so frakkin’ coddled I’ll get sick of it.”

Kara laughed. “Yeah. I can see how having someone love you could be a terrible burden to live with. So, about the getting married thing…”

“We’ll get to that in a minute. I don’t know if this is the right thing for you, but I wanted to offer to take you with me next time I see my doctor. Let you in on the process firsthand, ask questions if you want. Maybe it’ll help you make peace with your mother, even if you never remember her.”

Kara mulled that over. She was a little overwhelmed at the idea, but she really liked Laura, felt some kind of bond with her. “Yeah. Maybe. Can I think about it?”

“Of course. Now, the wedding. We’re going simple. As easy as possible. The three of us, two witnesses, which we’re hoping will be you and Lee, and the priest. We may throw a party in a few months, but for now, we’re just going to do it and keep it all quiet. I don’t want the fuss.”

“That’s what Lee and I did. At least that’s what he told me when I asked.” She spread guacamole over her nachos with a fork, then picked one up. “I um, I don’t actually remember Friday night. Apparently I kind of scared Helo.” She hunched a shoulder.

“You frightened Lee, too. He was beside himself when he realized you weren’t in the house anymore.”

“Yeah, that’s…Lee says he loves me, and I know I love him, but there’s something wrong between us, and he won’t tell me what it is. Which isn’t even the point. I have to go back to my doctor, tell her about the holes in my memory, talk to someone else, a counselor or therapist or something, figure out how to keep going even if those memories never come back.” 

She ate a few more bites of food, her mind working as her jaw did. “I know that Lee will go with me if I ask him, but I - frak, it sounds selfish. I don’t want him there at first. Or Dad. Or Saul. I was kinda thinking about maybe asking you.” 

She looked Laura in the eyes, held the gaze as long as she could, then looked down again. “You’re not family.” She sat for a moment, absorbing what she’d said. “Frak, that’s not what I meant.”

Laura put her hand out and covered Kara’s. “I think I understand what you’re saying. You and I didn’t know each other, don’t share any memories from before. You can’t hurt my feelings by having forgotten something I feel is important. Does that sound right?”

Kara took a long gulp of her water and plunked the glass down. “I’m glad somebody knows what the frak I’m talking about, ‘cause it didn’t make sense even to me.”

“I will be happy to go with you, Kara. As long as I know ahead of time, I can put it on the calendar and delegate stuff to Billy or someone else.”

“Cool. I think I wanna wear a dress.”

“I’m going to. Maybe we should shop together.”

They looked at each other and giggled. Kara put her hand over her eyes. “I’m a little scared you followed that.”

Laura took a drink and nodded, her eyes sparkling. “Me, too.”

“When we’re done, you wanna walk a little, get Niko some exercise?”

“Perfect.”


	12. Chapter 12

When Kara’d been gone nearly three hours, Lee slammed his book shut and stopped pretending to read. He didn’t want Kara to feel like he was checking up on her, but he was worried. Would a real husband call his wife just to say hi? He’d never even been a _boyfriend_ long enough to know how he would have handled it. He snarled under his breath and threw the book at the desk. It didn’t make him feel any better. Or answer his question.

He headed for the kitchen, thinking maybe working on something complicated would relax him, get him out of his messy head. He ran through a mental recipe file, settled on something, and started setting out ingredients.

He was just finishing running water for the dishes when Kara finally came back. She unleashed Niko, hung up the leash, and came into the kitchen, hugging him from behind. He turned around and she tilted her face to kiss him. She smelled like sunshine and maybe Laura’s perfume and tasted like Aerilon ale and avocados and he forgot himself. He deepened the kiss. Kara’s fingers dug into his back and he trapped her between him and the counter, his hips grinding into hers.

Kara kissed him back with abandon, greedy little whimpers echoing in his ears. Gods, he wanted her!

The sound of water hitting the floor made him turn around. “Shit!” He twisted the water off and stood there, breathing heavily and trying to remind himself he couldn’t frak Kara senseless. He kicked the cabinet door and turned; she had her arms wrapped tightly across her stomach, her eyes downcast.

He took a step toward her, reached out a hand, then dropped it to his side. He saw her stiffen, taking the move as a rejection of her. The words fell out of his mouth, bypassing his brain entirely. “I can’t do this anymore, Kara.”

She raised her eyes, tears immediately welling. She tensed her jaw, and he knew she was doing her best to fight back the emotion. She was so much more demonstrative now than she used to be. The hard edge she’d always had was gone. He hated that she might get it back because of him. 

She nodded once and turned to leave. Without looking back at him, she said, “I can have everything out by Wednesday.”

He stared after her, utterly confused. “Wait. No. Kara, that’s not what I meant.”

She stopped, but didn’t turn back to him.

“I’m not going to lie, you might still want to leave when I tell you, but I don’t want you to. That part’s real.”

Now she turned, her mouth working. “What part’s real?” She shook her head. “No. What part’s not real?”

He couldn’t seem to stop the words from spilling out, now that he’d started. “We’re not married. We’ve never even dated. We’ve never lived together. Not until you came home from the hospital.”

She reached out a hand and gripped the counter. Her knuckles turned white. “But - all my stuff is here. And no one’s said anything. Not Dad, or Saul. Why have you all been lying to me?” She stopped, scraped her hands down her face, and said, “Well, at least now I know why you don’t want me.”

“Wanting you isn’t the problem, Kara. I've always wanted you. I didn’t know until you were here all the time how much I wanted _this_ with you. But I couldn’t - “

“Couldn’t what, Lee? Couldn’t love me?” 

She wasn’t even trying not to cry now. But he had to keep going; she needed to make her own informed choice, not just do what he’d been wanting for years. “I do love you, Kara. I always have. I just never - I never did anything about it.”

“We’ve kissed. I remembered it, and you said we kissed under the mistletoe. If we were never together, why did we do that?”

“A solstice party you guys threw one year. Zak thought it was funny, used to tease us about kissing under the mistletoe, tell me I should find my own girl.”

“Your own girl? Zak and I were together? While I was teaching him? Were we married?” Her eyes were wide and her voice had risen in disbelief.

“No. He thought about it, but it didn’t work out, and you guys stayed friends after. I think you were actually closer after.”

Her face had paled, and he was afraid she was going to pass out. He rushed toward her, his hand going to her shoulder, but she twisted out of his way.

“Did I - did we…” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Did I cheat on him with you?”

“No!” Lee hadn’t even considered how she might view that memory. “The kissing’s as far as it went. Ever.” _Except in my head._

“So that time, the first time, when I got out of the hospital, that was the first time we ever - “ she waggled her hand, as if she couldn’t say the words.

He looked down at his feet, his stomach twisting with guilt and self-pity. That had been horrible. He’d barely been able to function that night, and he’d long since resigned himself to never having a good memory to replace it.

“Yeah. That was it.”

Niko walked over and stuck his snout in Kara’s hand. Lee had forgotten the dog was even there. It occurred to him Kara had not had an episode of vertigo or gotten a headache since she’d gotten home. Maybe this had been the right thing to do.

“I don’t -” She broke off. “I can’t - I don’t know what to do.” She turned away, took a step, stopped. “I have so many questions, Lee, but I can’t - I need time to think. I don’t know what to do.” She kept walking. 

He heard the door to the spare bedroom click shut, and it seemed louder than if she’d slammed it. He went down the hall, stopped outside her door with his fingers on it, then kept going. He shut his own bedroom door and threw himself on the bed, then forced himself to sit up. Kara would need someone to talk to, and he could practically guarantee she wouldn’t be reaching out to him. He called his dad first. They had a right to know Kara knew the truth now, or as much of it as he’d told her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara’s mind whirled. She felt married, but she wasn’t. She loved Lee, she knew she did, and yet she was miserable here. Dad hadn’t said anything. Gods, did she even call him that? She wasn’t related to him. Saul hadn’t said anything, though he had told her once that maybe the stuff she didn’t remember wasn’t important. 

But Lee. She’d never lived here. She hadn’t married him. She had cheated on her boyfriend with his own brother, no matter what Lee said. She had forced Lee to frak her - raped him, in essence. No wonder it had been awful. It was a miracle he didn’t hate her. What kind of person had she been? Why hadn’t anyone - the doctor or Saul or her CO or Helo or somebody - told her she wasn’t married, least of all to Lee?

She buried her face in her hands and pulled at her hair. She needed the pain to focus, to keep from going off the deep end. Niko thumped his tail and put his chin on her foot. At least _he’d_ never lied to her.

She slid to the floor and pulled Niko into her lap. She laid her face on his fur and scratched his chest while she planned. Place to live. Career counseling. Talk to Dad and Saul and frak! What the hell was she supposed to call them now? Figure out transportation on her own. Who took care of her money? She searched the time since she’d returned - no, had come here for the first time - and couldn’t remember getting any bank statements in her email.

Did Helo know? Maybe that was the place to start. Someone who’d known her all this time and would just tell her the truth. If he would tell her the truth.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Karl had a bad feeling when he saw Kara’s number on his caller ID. “Hey, Kara.”

“Did you know?”

In all the years he’d known Kara, he’d never heard her sound this...defeated? He had no doubt what she was asking, though. “I found out the night I picked you up. Lee told me when he was here.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She sniffled, and he realized she was crying. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen that. Including when her mother had died. “It was Lee’s responsibility. I told him if you asked, I wouldn’t lie to you, and if he didn’t find a way to tell you, I would.”

“Guess he found a way.” There was a very long pause, then she said, “I don’t know what to do now.”

“Want me to come get you? Ice cream and the Picon Panthers game against Tauron. You always love that one.”

She laughed, but it was a hollow sound. “Can I stay with you? I don’t want to come back here tonight. I can’t -”

“Yeah. There’s always room in the bed for you, Kara. Pack a go bag. Bring what you need for the dog. Forty-five minutes.” 

He made himself sound authoritative, and she responded the way he’d hoped. “Sir, yes, sir. Any other orders, sir?”

“Bring a toothbrush. I ain’t sharin’ mine.”

Kara laughed, and it almost sounded normal.

He made sure the game recording was on the shelf, and stopped on the way to pick up her favorite ice cream. When he pulled up in front of her - well, Lee’s - building, she was waiting with the dog and a stuffed go bag. He rolled down the window. “Want some help?”

“Frak you, Helo.”

He turned his face away and grinned.

She opened the back door and the dog hopped up onto the seat, turning in a circle and putting his head down. Kara shoved the bag into the floorboard and got into the passenger seat. He held out his pinky finger. She didn’t quite smile, but she linked her pinky with his. “Thanks.”

“Hope you still like the same ice cream.”

“What kind do I like?”

He looked at her with one brow raised.

“What? I don’t remember. Besides Zak and my mother, I don't remember that or what kind of tv shows I watch.” She turned her head and stared out the window. “At least now I know why I couldn’t remember my life with Lee.”

“Let’s get home and you can tell me all about it.”

She nodded her head without looking at him. Next time he glanced over, she had closed her eyes. He took the time at a traffic light to text Lee. _I’ve got Kara_.

He wasn’t all that surprised when the only response he got back was: _k_. 

Lee was not his problem.

~*~*~*~*~*~

She dropped her go bag and pulled Niko’s bed out of it, putting it on the floor on the same side of the bed she’d used before. Kara looked at the quilt, remembering the last time she’d stayed over. Karl’s mom had probably made that quilt.

“Move your ass, Kara! Ice cream’s melting!”

She smiled, just a little bit. Frakkin’ Helo never changed. Thank the gods. She dug out a pair of shorts and a tank and changed clothes. Tauron was ahead when she plopped down on the couch. She knew it wouldn’t last long. Besides, it wasn’t the game that had been so entertaining, anyway.

She relaxed, shoving everything aside to focus on shouting obscenities at the tv and gorging herself on ice cream. When the game was over and Helo had taken their bowls to the kitchen, she watched out of the corner of her eyes as he came back. He really had a graceful way of moving for such a big guy. She waited until he sat back down, then levered herself up and over his lap.

She leaned in and kissed him. He had his hands on her hips and he let her kiss him, but didn’t kiss her back. When she tried harder, he put his hands on her face and held her still, forcing her to look at him.

“Do you love him, Kara?”

She didn’t answer, just let herself fall. Her forehead hit his collarbone, and she grimaced. Helo put his arms around her back and held on. She didn’t remember falling asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When Kara woke up, she was in the bed staring at Helo’s arm pit. What a way to start a day. She pulled his arm down and nuzzled his bicep, then pulled his other arm around her as she rolled to her side. Helo pulled her in tighter and buried his nose in the pillow under her hair.

“Morning,” he grumbled.

“Morning.”

There was a long silence as they both dozed off a little, then Niko whuffed softly, and she opened her eyes to see his chin sitting on the edge of the bed. She reached a hand out to scratch him. 

“Okay. You gotta pee, right?” She could almost swear he nodded at her. This dog might be smarter than her.

She untangled herself from Helo, who rolled to his back and started snoring. She laughed to herself and took Niko outside. Once he’d taken care of business, she walked around Helo’s complex once, trying to avoid thinking. She climbed the stairs to his apartment and started the coffee before she took a shower. The coffee’d wake both of them up. She had a sugar hangover.

When she got out of the shower, she felt marginally better. She pulled her go bag up to the foot of the bed and dug through it with one hand while she dried herself with the other. Helo groaned and rolled out of bed, stopping on the way to the head to ruffle her wet hair. She flipped the towel at his ass, then pulled clothes on.

In the kitchen, she opened the fridge and stared at the contents, then snorted to herself and shut the door. Like she was gonna cook breakfast. Right. She settled for coffee and hopped up on the counter, swirling her toes in Niko’s fur. Frak. She needed to feed him! She took care of that, freshened his water, and poured a cup of coffee to hand to Helo as he walked up behind her.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Guess so. Lot to think about.”

“We can go catch some food and you can think out loud. I’m starving.” He rubbed his stomach in mock hunger.

“I knew there was a reason I kept you around.” She hip-checked him and went to put shoes on.

At the diner, seemed like Helo ordered one of everything, and Kara wasn’t far behind. As the waitress walked away, he sipped his coffee and said, “So talk.”

She tried to put it all in order, make it neat in her head before she spit it out of her mouth, but she decided instead to nudge him first. “Tell me what you know about my life. Zak. Lee. My mother. Whatever. I need to know if there’s anything else missing.” She frowned and rubbed her head, thankful Helo didn't recognize the new tell.

There were lots of things she remembered, but the stuff from when she was with Zak was different. She remembered the things he talked about, but Zak wasn’t a part of her memories. In her head, she’d never had a serious relationship before Lee. Well, Helo, but that was different, and hadn’t lasted long as a romantic thing, and it was way before Zak anyway.

“So I’m close to Lee’s dad and Saul? That’s real?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. Never heard you call him Dad before this, but you got really close to them when you were with Zak, then stayed close after the two of you split. You got closer to Zak, for that matter. He introduced his next girlfriend to you to get your approval.”

Kara laughed. “Wow. Me approving somebody’s girlfriend. What the hell was he thinking?” She paused for a moment. “And Lee?”

“You’ve talked about him a few times, mostly when you were totally wasted. Far as I knew, it never went anywhere. He never made a move. You never made a move.”

She stared into her cup. “That’s kind of what he said. He loved me, always had, just hadn’t ever done anything about it. That’s frakked up.”

“I’ve never read him that way, but when he told me he was in love with you, had been for years, I believed him. I was pissed, because I thought he’d been taking advantage of you for sex, but I believe he loves you.”

“I wish he’d been taking advantage of me,” she grumbled. “Feels like I haven’t had sex in months.”

The waitress chose that moment to plop plates onto the table, and she gave Kara then Helo a sharp look. They both watched her walk away, and Kara erupted into snickers.

Helo waved his fork at her then dug in. For a few minutes, there was the companionable silence of appreciative grunts as they consumed their food.

She kicked him lightly under the table. “How long can I stay?”

He moved a shoulder. “How long you wanna stay?”

“I don’t know. I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s the right thing to do. I know what I feel, but nothing he told me last night fits into that world. Do I stay and try to figure things out, make things work, or do I get the hell out while I can and move on?”

“Who are you, and what have you done with my friend?”

“Shut up, Helo.”

He just smiled at her. “I’ll ask you the same thing I asked you last night. Do you love him?”

She could feel her face growing warmer and hesitated to look up at him. “Thanks for doing that. It wouldn’t have been fair to use you that way.”

“If I thought you weren’t serious about Lee, I would let you use me anytime. I’m a great friend that way.” He winked at her, and she laughed. “But I think you are. So?”

“Yeah.”

“Then…” He looked off into the distance for a moment. “We’ll get your stuff and you stay with me for a while. You and Lee meet for dinner and to talk, in public places -”

“You mean like dating? What the frak?”

“Yes, dating, you idiot. To get to know each other for real. To figure out how you really feel about each other right now. And when the time is right, you tie him to the bed and frak his brains out.”

“So, second date then.”

“Third, at least, Kara. Come on.”

“Fine.” She stuck her tongue out.

“Next.”

“I guess I sort of need to do the same thing with his dad and Saul. Except for the frakking their brains out part, because yuck.”

Helo grimaced in agreement.

“I gotta figure out the money thing. I don’t know where my money goes.”

“The Old Man takes care of it. For a while after Zak was killed, you were off-planet a lot, and you told me you handed everything over to him and asked him to keep you straight.”

She nodded. “So I’ll have to talk to him about all this, too. I don’t know how to do that, exactly. I’ve felt so close to him and Saul, and I love Laura, but they all lied to me.”

“Hey.” He put his hand out, and she put hers in it. “They love you. At least the Old Man and Saul do. I’ve never met Laura. If they all lied to you, they must have felt it was important. Or more important than potentially setting back your recovery.”

“Maybe.” She sniffed. “Can you come with me the first time?”

He raised a brow at her, and she stared back until he gave in. “Yeah, okay.”

When the waitress brought the ticket, Helo dug his wallet out and laid some money on the table. “Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you. One of my buddies, the one you met at the pyramid game?”

She nodded.

“He said the Fleet games are coming up, and he wanted to know if you’d have time to maybe work with him, coach him. He said he’d pay you.”

“Me?”

“You’re good, Kara. A bad knee hasn’t changed that. Besides, aren’t you going to have to look at something else anyway? At least as long as you can’t fly.”

She bit her lip and got lost in thought. She’d forgotten there were Fleet leagues. She’d always wanted to get back into the game somehow, but flying had taken priority. Maybe…


End file.
